Awayuki
by aprileagle
Summary: COMPLETE! This is a Haruka & Michiru Christmas Carol. I wish you all a Merry Christmas!
1. I know it hurts

**Awayuki**

**(by April Eagle)**

_This story is for Adriann and Bianca._

_Thank you for your friendship._

**Preface:**

This story belongs to the fandom Sailor Moon. It can be put somewhere into season three, but it differs from the anime / manga. Setsuna, a.k.a. Sailor Pluto, will not appear in this story and Hotaru is an ill girl, but not a Sailor Senshi (at least not yet). The fight against Mistress 9 is changed, as well. As all my other Sailor Moon Fanfictions it is loosely connected with the anime / manga, but mainly forms a new universe of itself with another background.

It is a Christmas story. The song I've chosen is divided into 24 lines, each line stands for one day and each part shows a moment in Michiru's life. It is my intention that no moment lasts longer than two pages.

I never thought I would ever write a Haruka & Michiru Fanfiction again. I wrote the other ones during a period in my life that is completely different and so distant from the present time. During the past months I thought I would not be able to get back into the mood of the Sailor Moon universe and into my most favourite characters, Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru. But again, Bianca proved me wrong. All it takes for me to slip back into that world is an inspiring song, some sleepless nights and someone telling me that she'll read the story, no matter what. Thank you.

Okay, now, go on reading. Have fun while doing so… and a Merry Christmas!

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Yeah, I know it hurts,

Yeah, I know you're scared walking down the road that lead to who knows where.

Don't you hang your head, don't you give up yet

When courage starts to disappear I will be right here

When your world breaks down and the voices tell you turn around.

When your dreams give out I will carry you, carry you.

When the stars go blind and the darkness starts to flood your eyes.

When you're falling behind, I will carry you.

Everybody cries, everybody bleeds,

No one ever said that life's an easy thing, that's the beauty of it.

When you lose your way, close your eyes and go to sleep and wake up to another day

You should know now that you're not alone.

Take my heart and we will find, you will find your way home.

Clay Aiken, "I will carry you"

**(1) I know it hurts**

"Earth Shaking!"

No one saw the orange light illuminating the park for the split of a second. No one felt the wave rushing through the leafless trees. No one heard the stifled moan that came after.

"Ruka? Everything alright?" A shadow flitted over the clearing and knelt down next to a young woman. Sailor Neptune always forgot their senshi names when she saw her partner getting hurt. Her partner in crime, as Sailor Uranus often called them with a sad smile on her lips. In a crime that told them to fight against monsters, so called youmas. Monsters that were born in darkness, created by their enemies. They were made out of dirt and did return to its ashes whenever they were killed. However, the two lone warriors had to learn that there were youmas who used to be a human being. Before their involuntary transformation. If they killed those youmas, they killed the humans, as well. Till now Sailor Moon prevented such a tragedy, but the princess of the light was not always there whenever a youma did attack. Like this time.

"Did it hit you?" Sailor Neptune took Uranus' right hand and cursed silently as the other woman winced and turned around to look closer at the youma's remains. The senshi of the wind was obviously hurt, but as always she did not want to show it and Neptune hated the park's darkness. There were hardly any street lamps burning, the sky was covered with thick clouds and there was no hope of any light in the middle of the night. Expect she would use her own mighty spell. Then, however, Uranus would have scolded her for wasting her powers on nothing. Neptune did not want to argue with her best friend, they had had already too many fights during the past weeks. Since they got to know each other and their mission. Since they moved together in a small apartment in a boarding school in Tokyo. Since they beat their first youma three months ago.

Life turned out to be hell.

And Uranus turned out to be uncompromising regarding their mission.

"No human." The senshi of the wind inspected the ashes before her and Neptune heard her silent sigh. It was a sigh of relief, although she knew that there would be no sign of relief on Uranus' face. No sign of any emotion at all. "Only dirt."

"So no sign of Mistress 9?" Neptune's fingers twitched as Uranus rose and reeled slightly. She wanted to hold her best friend, to take care of her injuries. But she knew that she was not allowed to. Not now. Not right after a fight. Not when the wind senshi begged her wordlessly to leave her in peace.

They had believed their mission to be to find the purest crystals on earth. However, four weeks ago a strange woman appeared in their dreams and told them to search for Mistress 9 and destroy her, because Mistress 9 would destroy the earth if they were not fast enough. Uranus and Neptune believed that woman, because they had the same dream, both of them; and it had been the same woman who gave them their henshins in summer, telling them about their past and their destiny as Sailor senshi. So they gave up their first mission, hoping that they would find the pure crystals while they were looking for that Mistress. Knowing pretty well that this criminal was no youma but a living human. To rescue millions of people they had to sacrifice one life. Neptune hated this thought, but she knew they had no other choice…

"Let's go." Uranus did not say where to. Neptune had never heard her call their apartment home . Right now it was their only place of refuge, but the sea beauty knew that it was only a fake, a bad substitute for a real home where they could return to happily. Where they could live carefree. Free from all sorrows, all burdens, all aches.

"Does it hurt?" She put her arms around her freezing body. She had liked her Sailor fuku during summer when warm wind was playing with the short skirt, giving her a little bit of longed for fresh air. However, right now it was winter. Cold winter. But their powers did not work without their fukus. Strange as it was, they could not change this stupid fact. So they had to fight in short skirts and catch a cold. Neptune had already missed three of her violin lessons in row because of a youma attack or because she decided to stay in bed. She would have dropped her instrument anyway while sneezing non-stop.

"I'm fine." Uranus' voice was muffled and she did not turn around to her partner. She simply walked away, slightly swaying, assuming her to follow.

"Sure…" Neptune sighed deeply and looked up to the dark sky above. Tears sparkled in her eyes and she shook her head slightly. Uranus was not fine, none of them was. During the past three months Neptune thought that this was their destiny. That this was her task: to destroy Mistress 9 at all costs. Without any help. Alone. Because then they could hurt no one else except them. To show sorrow, to show regrets, to show doubts was a sign of weakness, of losing the final battle.

Now, Neptune was not so sure any longer. Were they really doomed to fight in loneliness, to push away all help, even Sailor Moon's? Even each other? To kill a human being to save the entire world?

_I can't do that._

The sea senshi blinked and two tears rolled over her cheeks. She blinked again and a sad smile appeared on her face as she slowly reached out into the empty air before her. But there was no Uranus to hold back, to hold tight, to never let go again.

_I can't do that, because it hurts._

A snowflake landed on her outstretched hand, melted on her fingertips, wetted her white glove. Others followed and soon she was surrounded by thousands of dancing diamonds, floating soundless in the dark eternity. They whirled around her body as if they urged her to fly with them. To play their weightless game. To forget that this world existed. Her worries and her fear.

Somewhere in the night a car engine was started. Neptune's hand dropped, her almost blissful smile turned into a sorrowful expression. Shortly she glanced back at the silent snowfall, then she followed ran away as quickly as she could.

_And you hurt the same way I do._


	2. I know you're scared

**(2) I know you're scared**

Normally music was her most favourite subject. Michiru loved her teacher and she was happy whenever she could play her violin. But not today. Not when her best friend was sitting next to her struggling with her pain. No one saw it, but Michiru knew that there was a bandage hidden under the school uniform's brown jacket. A bloodstained bandage.

_I only want to help._

Michiru winced as Haruka raised her head and looked directly at her with her coldest glare. Then the blonde concentrated again on the text before her. But she did not accompany the rest of the class in their singing, because she needed all her breath to function and not to break down. She did not want to go to the doctor. There was no way she could explain to him how she got herself so badly hurt. There were already enough problems in her life, she did not need an old man in a white coat asking her stupid questions.

_I don't want to see you in pain._

Michiru rubbed her tired eyes and gave up following the lines. She knew the song, of course she did, it was a famous European song Japanese people loved to sing during Christmas time, but she could simply not concentrate on the lyric. So she sang lalala instead and hoped that no one would find out.

Mercifully this lesson did not last forever and two verses later she was saved by the bell. Now lunch break would start and they had another hour before their teachers could torture them again. Okay, normally Michiru liked school. She was talented and this boarding school did challenge her talents in arts and music, but after a long night fighting youmas she felt tired and only wanted to creep in her bed and not learn strange vocabularies by heart and play an instrument while the notes got blurred on the scale.

"You should go and see Dr. Tomoe." He was the school's doctor and did a good job in helping sick pupils. His own daughter, Tomoe Hotaru, was very ill and he gave her excellent treating so that you often forgot how weak little Hotaru-chan actually was.

"No. I won't!" Haruka slapped away Michiru's hand and walked straight to the cafeteria. She let her bag fall and sat down heavily on her chair. Shortly the pain was shown clearly on her face but she did hide it well, as she was able to hide so many other things in her young life.

"But, Ruka…"

"Just let it be, Michiru." Haruka shook her head and leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes and stayed in this position for the next five minutes. Michiru sighed deeply and sat down opposite from her best friend. She pulled their bentos out of her schoolbag and pushed Haruka's before her. The blonde did not open her eyes, did not react at all. Probably she was not going to eat her lunch. Again.

"Don't blame me when you're not able to hold your henshin anymore!" Michiru made a noise that sounded almost like a growl before she separated her chop sticks and started to eat her sushi. They never knew when another youma would attack so she ate when they had time. Or when she spent the rest of the night making bentos when she could not sleep.

"I won't go to any doctor!" snapped Haruka back. She did not open her eyes, but her eyebrows almost made contact as she was frowning angrily. "They only ask stupid questions I won't answer."

"So it's better to have a bleeding arm instead?" Michiru gulped another sushi and clenched her fist around the wood. It looked like this would become another of their recently so frequently happening arguments. Michiru was not only tired because of her lack of sleep, but also because of their lack of reasonable conversation. Okay, Haruka had always been a hotspur. Now, however, she lost her temper at every occasion.

"So it's better to tell Dr. Tomoe what's really going on?" aped the blonde and finally opened her eyes to glare at her only friend. "Great idea, really!"

"You want to be injured instead?" Michiru looked disbelieving at Haruka and turned towards her bento again. "Why the heck do I care?" she muttered and shook her head while she pushed the last sushi in the bento box around.

"Because you don't take this mission serious!" Haruka's voice was dangerously silent. Surely she wanted to shout, but was aware of them not being alone in the cafeteria. "All what counts is to find Mistress 9. Nothing is going to endanger our mission! Not a bloody youma and not a silly scratch on my arm."

_That's not a scratch._

Michiru bit her lip as she was aware of the meaning behind the blonde's words. Suddenly she felt sick and regretted to have eaten all of her meal. Her stomach started to hurt and she laid down her chopsticks, because her hands trembled suddenly.

"Not even the death of one of us?" Her voice was hoarse and she needed some moments to raise her head. However, Haruka was not directly looking at her. The blonde was merely staring at the pupils passing by. Talking to their best friends. Giggling. Laughing. Being so young and so damn naive.

"Nothing." It was not more like a whisper. Michiru shivered slightly as she heard the word that sounded like a scream in her ears. It reminded her of the promise they gave each other when they became senshi: That their mission was the most important thing in their lives. If the other one would not be able to fight any longer or even die, the surviving one had to go on, had to fight against the youmas, had to reach their goal.

Nothing but you… 

Michiru knew that she was not able to leave Haruka behind, no matter what destiny had decided for them. She was not only her best friend, she was the most important person in her life, the only light in her darkness. Whatever happened, Michiru was not willing to let the blonde down. Not as senshi and not as human.

"I've gotta go." Haruka ignored her bento and rose abruptly. "Have fun with your art lessons, see ya in the evening."

"Ruka?" Michiru got up as well, but did not reach for her best friend. She knew when she was fighting a lost battle.

"Hai?" The blonde grabbed her bag and hang it loosely around the shoulder of her healthy arm. Then she looked directly at Michiru and the sea beauty gulped. Haruka's face was ashen and her green eyes widened. She plucked nervously at her bag's shoulder strap and looked away quickly.

Nothing is to endanger our mission! 

Michiru blinked and took a deep breath to get her feelings under control again. Then she forced herself to smile.

"Rice and fish for dinner?" she asked this question instead of all the others whirling in her head, making her dizzy. "That's alright?"

"Fine with me. See ya." Haruka did not look up again as she walked past her and left the cafeteria in a badly hidden hurry. Michiru watched her go and then sank back on her chair to bury her face in her icy hands.

_Nothing is to endanger our mission!_

_Really, Ruka?_


	3. Walking down the road

**(3) Walking down the road that leads to who knows where**

"I do have a Christmas calendar that's filled with chocolate." The small girl pointed proudly at the aforesaid object and grinned widely. The calendar had exactly twenty-four tiny doors; behind each one was a nice chocolate piece to be found in the shape of different animals. Today it had been an elephant and the little girl was busy describing how it had looked like and, of course, how delicious it had been. "Do you have one, nee-chan?"

"No." Michiru smiled at Hotaru and could not resist to stroke through shoulder long black hair. Purple eyes sparkled and the small girl sat nearer to her, to let her take her in her arms and rock her softly. "But I have one with pictures behind every door."

"That's cool." Smiled Hotaru and closed her eyes and enjoy her friend's nearness. Michiru kept stroking dark strands, but her expression turned into sadness. She wanted to be more often with the ill girl she got to know when she moved to the boarding school. Hotaru was the school doctor's daughter and from the moment Michiru met her she loved her like the little sister she had never had. Or maybe even like the daughter she most likely would never have. So whenever there was no youma attack and no tight schedule she visited the little girl to play with her dolls or to take her out for a walk in the park nearby. Mostly Haruka came with her, although Michiru simply could not make out whether the blonde was doing it for the ill girl or if she was looking for youmas and Mistress 9 while Hotaru wanted to show her a flower, a bird or a snowflake.

"Luv ya." Whispered Hotaru tiredly and yawned. Michiru reached for the blanket on the bed and covered them both. Then she leaned back against the wall and looked out of the window. Normally there were thick curtains shutting out every ray of light, today, however, they were open and Michiru could see the white layer of snow covering the balcony and the world outside. Two birds were hopping through the white element towards Hotaru's aviary, but Michiru did not wake up the small girl. Hotaru had to take her medicine half an hour ago, which always made her tired. It was good to hold her, to let the child feel that she was not all alone. That there were persons on this world who loved her no matter how ill she was. Even after her mother's death.

Michiru did not know a lot about Hotaru's past, she did not want to upset neither Dr. Tomoe nor his daughter, but she found out that her mother died during a tragic accident and that she missed her, of course. Michiru was more than willing to be kind of a mother-substitute for the little girl. Then she did not feel so alone herself, as well.

_But what will happen to Hime-chan if I'll die during a youma attack?_

Michiru gulped and hugged the girl in her arms gently.

_What will happen to me if her illness gets worse?_

Michiru closed her eyes and concentrated on the small body in her arms, who snuggled up to her so trustingly. She did not want to think of the insecure future they all had to face. No, she could not imagine how she could have believed that her life would be stable, that every day would be the same, that the future was a glorious place she could not await to happen. She had wanted to become a famous artist and violin player, just like her father used to be. Now she only wanted to survive. To complete their mission. To see the candles burning on their Christmas tree in three weeks from now.

She could not longer plan anything that was further away than one or two days, a week at the maximum. When the teachers gave her homework over the weekend, she never knew if it was worth the effort or if she would not be able to hand it in coming Monday.

_What will happen if a youma will finally be stronger than?_

Michiru buried her face in Hotaru's hair and held the little girl softly tighter. Tears burned in her closed eyes but she would not let them fall. Not now. Not here. Not in front of Hotaru, especially not Hotaru who would be scared and frightened.

_I don't want to leave you!_

The little girl did not react, she did not stir, only dug her fingers weakly in Michiru's blouse, her hated school uniform. While Haruka decided for the boy's uniform and was often confused to be a boy, Michiru chose for the girl's uniform. To be honest, she did not like any of those clothes, because the brown colour made her even more depressed. One day, she swore silently to herself, she would buy Hotaru a white summer dress and throw her black one away. Provided that Michiru lived to see next summer.

Hotaru's regular heart beat calmed down the sea beauty's nerves and her body reminded her of two night's missed sleep. Last night had been another attack and therefore laying in bed and snoring became a luxury she could not afford any longer. Her thoughts stopped to trouble her and she drifted into half-sleep. She heard how a door was opened from far away and how silent steps approached her. However, Michiru felt too tired, too content, too much loved to bother much.

"Michiru?"

It was Haruka's voice. After the youma had almost overwhelmed the wind senshi, Haruka finally saw that her arm needed medical treatment. She could hardly hold her henshin any longer nor fight with it. To say nothing of her sport lessons which she could not attend in her condition. So Michiru succeeded in talk Haruka round into visiting Dr. Tomoe to let him take care of her injuries and to give her a doctor's certificate for her strict sports teacher.

"The check-up is over. I even got an injection." Michiru could see Haruka's pained expression even with closed eyes, but she felt too tired to open them to confirm her speculation. Nor did she smile.

"Are you asleep?" There was a shuffling noise and then someone sat down next to Michiru, who was not willing to give up her dreamland. "Michi?" Haruka's voice was silent and soft, so completely different from the arguments they had had during the past days. There were gentle fingers stroking through her hair and a sad sigh somewhere by her right side.

"Michi?"

Haruka yawned and obviously leaned against her. Michiru could feel her head against her shoulder, was tickled by short blond hair touching her right cheek. Silence spread out, but it was comfortable. Everything was fine. At least for now, for this moment in time; the persons she loved most where near, were safe, were alive.

_What will happen to me if they both disappear one day?_

Michiru removed her right arm from around Hotaru's sleeping form and wrapped it around her best friend to hug her. The blonde did not mind, probably she had already arrived in her private dreamland. The sea beauty held Haruka and Hotaru tight, knowing that she would never let them go.

_Where we'll be going, I'll be right by your side._


	4. Don't you hang your head

**(4) Don't you hang your head**

It was not even night, still dusk had happened two hours ago and the darkness that covered the earth even devoured the snow's whiteness. It was silent; not even the rustle of bare branches or the barking of a nearby dog could be heard. And it was freezing cold.

"I've spent all day in the orchestra hall where it's cold and I was looking forward to have a nice warm bath." Michiru trembled and held her hands before her mouth to warm them with her breath, which danced as a little cloud before her face.

"We can't ignore a signal telling us that a youma is near, or maybe even Mistress 9!" Haruka, or better, Sailor Uranus looked around and flitted through the school grounds, ignoring her partner's chattering teeth.

"'course not. But next time I'll wear my thick jacket over my fuku, that's for sure. Mission or not, I won't catch a cold out here. It's December, for heaven's sake!" Michiru cursed silently her short skirt and followed the blonde, although her thoughts were at home with her nice tube and secretly she begged for the signal being a false alarm. So they could go home quickly and try to warm up again. No, tonight she refused to be Neptune, no matter what clothes she wore. Tonight she was simply Michiru and wanted to be in her bathroom or either in her soft warm bed.

"The signal must be near." Uranus frowned and turned around to stare in every direction. She did not mind the bitter cold, maybe she did not even notice that snow was slowly leaking into her boots which were nice to look at in the summer but not made to wear during the winter and especially not in freshly fallen snow. "Somewhere here…"

"I can't see nor hear any youma." Shivered Michiru and could not prevent her voice from sounding whining. Damn! It was Christmas time! She wanted to stay in her warm bed, eat some gingerbread cakes, read a romantic novel and listen to Christmas song until she had enough for the next eleven months. Instead she was standing in the freezing cold, with summer clothes and searched for Mistress 9 who probably sat in her own tube, splashed nice hot water around and laughed at them. It was so unfair!

Uranus frowned, but did not reply anything. She held her henshin high above her head and frowned even deeper.

"Can't be…" she muttered to herself and walked through the snow back to the school's building. "Something must be broken." She shook the golden staff, but nothing changed. It showed them only one direction, no matter how often she turned it around.

"What is it?" Michiru was now hopping to keep herself at least a little bit warm. It did not work, but she felt better this way.

"It's guiding me to the teacher's section, but they can't be Mistress 9. I mean, if you were one of the most powerful monsters on this earth, would you hide behind a music or a sport teacher's façade?"

"Well, you can torture innocent souls, so it's imaginable if that's what you like." Joked Michiru but Uranus did not laugh. No, the wind senshi gulped visibly and glanced up to a balcony. A well known balcony with a well known aviary.

_No!_

Michiru shook her head. Then she jumped and landed right next to her partner. It was one of the senshi power's advantages to be able to do a stunt effortlessly. However, there were too many disadvantages and right now Michiru wanted to throw her henshin away, take Uranus' surely icy hand and walk home. To forget all this rubbish. To continue her old life before the first transformation or to start a new life. That was alike to her, as long as Haruka was in it. As long as they did not have to fight. As long as they did not have to kill the ones they loved…

No… 

The curtains were drawn, but there was a crack in the middle where they could peer through. Little Hotaru was lying on her bed. They could hear her cough, but she seemed to be asleep, because otherwise she would have left her room as fast as she could, crying out for her father to protect her. There was a shadow sitting next to her small body which was surrounded by a blood red light. Purple eyes glitter and although they could not see the shadow's face, they knew that it was sneering. That she was sneering at them from inside, from her host where she felt save. Well hidden from everybody else. But not from their henshins…

"It's her…" Uranus lowered the golden staff and hang her head. Michiru had never seen her so defeated before. Suddenly the sea beauty knew why. Normally they would have broken into Hotaru's room and ended it right here and then. But this situation was anything but normal, the past three months had been bizarre, a word which could hardly cover their situation.

"It's her…" whispered the wind senshi again. It sounded broken. Because she could not destroy Mistress 9 to complete their mission, to save the world and to return to a normal life. In there was Tomoe Hotaru, an ill little child who missed her mommy and was left alone too often by her busy father. Their Hime-chan who loved them no matter what. Who trusted them!

"It's her…" Uranus shook her head, did not seem to be able to end the sentence, not with all her will, not with all her strength which seemed to have left her body all of a sudden.

Nothing is going to endanger our mission! 

Michiru heard those passionately spoken again in her mind, saw Haruka's green eyes looking in a strange expression down at her.

She wants to end our mission at all cost. Maybe she's desperate to enough to sacrifice herself in destroying Mistress 9, but she's not able to kill the ones close to her.

Michiru knew that Haruka would have never confessed what she herself surely thought of being weak; for the sea beauty it was her friend's greatest strength. So she walked over to a slightly trembling Uranus in silence and took the blonde's free hand to hold it comfortingly tight.

"We'll find a way." Michiru squeezed the icy hand gently and forced herself not to stare at Hotaru sleeping so peacefully next to the shadow. However, the water senshi knew that waking up the little girl would not make a difference. Mistress 9 was in Hotaru's body, the ill child could not escape her parasite. "There must be another way!"

"There's none…" Uranus' voice was hoarse but her bangs hang in her face, Michiru could not see her partner's expression.

"We'll think of something. Maybe Sailor Moon…"

"That's even above _her_ powers! It's…" Uranus clenched her henshin, but did not react, did not shout at Michiru or pushed her away as the sea beauty leaned forward and simply took the golden henshin away.

"Let's go home, find some fitting clothes, drink a warm tea and discuss this matter calmly with more than only one degree keeping us company, okay?"

Uranus did not nod, did not reply anything, but she followed Michiru without resistance, let herself being led away from Hotaru's balcony.

Nothing. Except the loved ones.


	5. Don't you give up yet

**(5) Don't you give up yet**

"Tomorrow's St. Nicholas' Day. Have you already polished your shoes?" Hotaru sat on a bank on the school's ground and watched her best - and only - friend making a snowman. The little girl was wrapped in a warm blanket and her cheeks were slightly redden from the cold and from excitement.

"Polishing? Those?" Chibiusa showed her dirty boots and hopped over the snow to hold her right one into the air. "There's so much mud on the streets in November and now I can't polish them, because I need them everyday in the snow. Surely St. Nicholas knows that and gives me something nevertheless."

"In those stinking boots?"

"I got something every year. And hey! My boots are not stinking. Taru!" Chibiusa sulked but had to grin as the dark haired girl giggled softly. "We're nice girls, we'll get something." She said self-confident and put a carrot into the snowman's face. There were already some stones in there and the white fellow grinned at them in a mad way.

"That's a cool snowman." Hotaru clapped in her hands which sounded muffled, because she was wearing thick gloves.

"Hai. It is." Chibiusa bounced up and down happily, but her face fell as the nearby church tower started to toll. "Oh no, it's already three."

"Do you have to go?"

"Hai. I've got private lessons in math now, you know. Mummy Tsukino forces us to take them, because Usagi failed so miserably in her last test. As if I am as bad as that baka." Chibiusa looked crestfallen. It was obvious that she wanted to spend more time with her new friend than brooding over a complicate math task which she would never use again in her entire life!

"No problem. It was nice of you to visit me." Hotaru smiled and blushed surprised as Chibiusa hugged her lovingly.

"See ya tomorrow. The same time?"

"If there's no emergency in school and my father allows me…"

"It'll be great, see ya soon." Chibiusa glanced cursing at her watch and rushed away, slipping and stumbling through the snow. Hotaru gazed after her and giggled at the clumsy girl. Then she leaned back and closed her eyes, to enjoy the silence around, the peace. Those precious moments when she did not feel so ill.

"Did you know she meets Chibiusa?" Haruka's mouth was nothing but a thin line and she eyed Hotaru uncomfortably.

"Isn't that Usagi's sister or something like that?" wondered Michiru. They had found out that Usagi was Sailor Moon, although no one knew their identity, but they never quite understood the relation between the two girls. They looked a lot alike, if you forgot the hair colour, they even lived in the same house, but as they investigated Usagi's family, they found out that Tsukino-san only had one daughter, officially at least.

"She could be in real danger hanging out with Hime-chan." Haruka rubbed her tired eyes. Of course they did not find any sleep during the past night. They rather discussed their discovery, without coming to a real solution. Lessons did not help at all, they were only a nuisance and made them restless. Right after the last one was over they decided to visit Hotaru and to convince themselves that what they had seen the last night was true.

_Hime-chan._

Michiru was sure that Haruka did not even notice her own words. It was clear, the young woman hoped that they suffered of hallucinations rather than facing a terrible future. Michiru would have walked into the next mental home smiling as long as she did not have to harm Hotaru. She sensed that Haruka felt the same.

"Why should she hurt the other girl? I mean…" Michiru's voice died away as she saw the small girl's body suddenly glowing in a red light. A blood right one. A shadow emerged from it, looked around and sneered the same way it had done last night. She had done. There was a whirl of wind and the next second there was only a hillock of snow left where the snowman had stood moments before. Both, Haruka and Michiru, heard the mad laughter before the shadow disappeared again inside Hotaru's body. The little girl jerked awake and her purple eyes grew wide as she saw the damage before her.

"What happened?" Haruka and Michiru heard Hotaru's confused stammer. They watched the small girl peeling out of her blanket and walking over to the destroyed snowman Chibiusa had built with so much love. "Who did this?" Tears rolled down pale cheeks and Hotaru started to cough. She went down next to the heap of snow and cried silently.

"It's dangerous." Haruka buried her hand in her jacket's pocket. "Now it's a only a snowman, the next time it can be a human, maybe even Chibiusa."

"No!" Michiru grabbed the blonde's arm and held her tight, prevented her from dragging her henshin and killing the small girl. "There must be another way!"

"We talked all night, Michiru, there's no other way." Haruka tried to free herself, but desperation lend the sea beauty unexpected power.

"I'll talk to Sailor Moon."

"She can't help us! No one can!" Haruka shook her head and Michiru saw tears sparkling in green eyes. "It's our mission to destroy Mistress 9, no matter what!"

"Sailor Moon…"

"She can't change destiny."

"Maybe she can, at least we should try."

"What about our promise!"

Michiru looked at Haruka in silence for a moment, then she turned her head to see a small girl kneeling on the cold snow coughing, catching a cold. It was not Hotaru's fault, nor was it Haruka's.

_You're not believing in that bloody promise. Neither of us ever ever did._

"Keep it if you like it so much!" Michiru let Haruka go and brought some distance between them. "I will fight for Hime-chan till the very end."

"That's ridiculous." Snapped Haruka and pulled her henshin free. It shimmered golden and Michiru hated the metal even more than on the day she touched it for the very first time. "There's no other way…"

"My whole life's ridiculous!" Michiru drew her own henshin and held it defensively before her suddenly shaking body. "I swear, Haruka, if you try to attack this little girl now, you'll have to fight against me. I won't back down!"

"Michi…"

"I won't give Hime-chan up, not until I've tried everything." Michiru held her henshin a little bit higher, showing her partner how serious she was. One wrong move and she would attack. No, she would not kill Haruka, but she would show her not to sacrifice loved persons so easily. The blonde studied her in silence, then she looked away and put her henshin back into her jacket's pocket.

"It'll only hurt more." She whispered and walked back the way they came only some minutes ago. Minutes that changed everything so it seemed. Michiru sighed heavily before she rushed over to the little coughing girl. To help her, to hold her, to make sure that everything was alright. At least right now.

_I only want to protect you. Both of you._


	6. When courage starts to disappear

**(6) When courage starts to disappear**

Michiru stared at the closed door. Haruka had not left her room the past evening. She did not come to eat her dinner nor did she try to talk to Michiru about Hotaru again. The young woman could hear the muffled music all night and knew that her best friend was brooding over the problem, without finding a solution.

"…" Michiru bit on her lip and instead of knocking only touched the wood. She knew that it was senseless to talk to the blonde when she was in a bad mood, but it hurt to be not able to help her. To be there for her. To be able to explain why she had reacted the way she had yesterday.

_I want so badly to be your best friend, but maybe I am just your partner in crime, nothing more. No one special…_

She sighed deeply and looked down at the carpet, at the empty place right before Haruka's door. Michiru tightened up her shoulders and searched the small corridor for the blonde's boots. Finally she found them behind a black schoolbag. They were both extremely dirty and no St. Nicholas would have given her anything. But Michiru was not St. Nicholas nor did she ever let a gift go waste. Particularly since it was a gift Haruka needed, because she tended to lose her winter clothes at the gymnasium.

Michiru knocked off the worst dirt and put the boots noiseless down, hoping that Haruka would not stumble over them when she left her room. If she ever intended of ever leaving her shelter again. The sea beauty put the dark green cloth carefully over the boots and stroked it, lost in thought.

At that moment the telephone rang. She almost jumped and held her racing heart. It took her some time to realise that it was only the phone ringing and nothing worse, but the caller did not mind, because the black phone kept making the squealing noise. Haruka did not react, there was not even the sound of movements within her room. Michiru sighed and got to her feet to answer the phone.

"Moshi-moshi?"

Here's Usagi. We want to go to cinema since it's Saturday and no school. There was a snigger at the other end of the line and Michiru could imagine the girl dancing around happily because there was no teacher there to torture her today. We'd wonder if you'd want to come along.

We. That meant not only Usagi, but also her boyfriend, Mamoru, the little girl, Chibiusa, and her best friends, Makoto, Ami, Rei and Minako. It sounded like a great trip to a romantic movie, eating popcorn, listening to happy laughter and forgetting all this bullshit for at least two hours. Before Michiru had to gather up all her courage to ask Usagi, or better, Sailor Moon, to help them. To help them rescue Hotaru. Somehow. Please…

"Sure, sounds like fun."

Cool! We'll meet at Rei's temple in an hour. Is that okay?

"Hai."

Cool! What? Chibiusa! Put that down, that's…

Michiru smiled and did not even notice that Usagi had already hung up. Where there was this girl there was chaos - and hope.

The sea beauty rose and quickly changed from her nightdress into white pants and pullover. At least at the weekends she did not want to wear this ugly, dark school uniform. Maybe the snow-look, as Hotaru called it, made her look distant and cold, but she felt more comfortable in it. Then she looked into the fridge, but decided that she did not feel very hungry. Maybe she would eat something in the cinema, maybe she would share some popcorn with Usagi and her friends and enjoy an unhealthy but delicious meal.

_What if Ruka gets hungry?_

Michiru put on an apron and made some rice balls with bits of fish and cheese in them and a core made out of ketchup, just the way Haruka liked them the most. Carefully she put them on a plate and back into the fridge. The blonde could decide whether she wanted to eat them cold or warm. Haruka could not cook, but even she was able to use a microwave without blowing up their apartment.

"Ruka?" She had to knock at the door, to tell her friend that she was leaving and where to. To inform her about the rice balls waiting for her patiently in the fridge's bitter cold to be eaten for lunch. The blonde had to eat something. At least once a day. However, Michiru could not knock. Instead she tried the handle and saw surprised that she did not meet any resistance. The door was not locked. So Michiru opened it slowly, trying not to cause any noise. She did not know what Haruka was doing right now, maybe she was standing on her chair and her biology books trying to fix her posters of sport cars and motorbikes. Michiru did not want to startle her and cause her to fall.

"Ruka?"

There was still no reply, but Michiru was sure that Haruka was still in their apartment. She would have realised when the blonde had left, hadn't she?

The young woman peered into the room and spotted her best friend on the most untidy bed in the entire universe. Haruka liked thick pillows, just to throw them around in her sleep. They laid on the ground between old socks, dirty shirts and school books, of course. Their Japanese teacher would have burst into tears if he had seen their literature book pasting to the carpet, right on top of a half eaten chocolate bar.

"Ruka?"

There was no reaction and as Michiru came nearer, avoiding to make contact to anything laying on the ground in case it came to life and attacked her. Haruka was obviously fast asleep. Her eyes stayed closed as Michiru bowed over her and she hugged the last pillow that had not flown through the air the past night. Blond hair was messed and there were traces of dirt on a pale face. Traces of tears.

Oh, Ruka… 

Michiru knelt down next to the bed and stroked lovingly through wild strands. Haruka did not wake up, she kept dreaming, however, her lips curved in a small smile.

_My strong Ruka._

The sea beauty covered Haruka's slightly shivering body with the soft blanket and sat back on her heels, watching her best friend sleep, protecting her from her nightmares; wished she could protect her from real life, as well.

_My brave warrior._

Michiru almost missed her appointment with Usagi and her friends.


	7. I will be right here

**(7) I will be right here**

The arcade was opened on a Sunday, because it was Christmas time and people bought more when they had time. Still there were seventeen more days until Christmas Eve, at least if you could trust the children's calendars, but the arcade was crowded. There were people everywhere: Teenagers shopping for their best friends, parents or siblings, older people shopping for their children and grandchildren and of course aforesaid children begging everyone they knew for the perfect gift.

Michiru walked in the middle of this bustle, looking around dreamily. She loved Christmas time, loved the scent of burning candles and candied fruits, loved the radio stations playing schmaltzy Christmas songs, mostly performed by Elvis Presley, and she loved the snow whirling above the glass roof while she was warm and save within the arcade.

The movie had been funny at the cinema. Even more funny was to observe Usagi and her crazy friends watching it. Michiru enjoyed every second of it and dreaded the moment when she had to talk to Usagi, or better, Sailor Moon. When the romantic movie was over, Makoto invited them all over to her to cook spaghetti. Michiru looked into Usagi's shinning eyes and knew that she could not tell her the truth. At least not the entire truth. So she told them that she had to go home to practice her violin, only to turn into Sailor Neptune in a dark corner and to step through Makoto's opened kitchen's window. Chaos was too mild a word to describe what happened with the others when she confronted Usagi being Sailor Moon. Of course Usagi started to cry immediately and it was indeed Mamoru who calmed the crazy girls down and asked Neptune to tell them why she was there. So she sat down and told them everything she knew about little Hotaru. She even explained their mission to a speaking cat, for heaven's sake! And ate Makoto's burnt pasta. But Mamoru seemed to believe her and Usagi promised her to help her fighting for Hotaru.

Michiru would have done anything for that promise made by Sailor Moon. The future princess of Crystal Tokyo seemed to be a real cry baby but when it came to her friends or to a lone soul she could rescue, she was able to outdo herself, to outdo everybody around her, even Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus, although the latter would have never admitted it. Tomorrow they would visit Hotaru together and find a solution. Hopefully. Michiru did not know what to do otherwise. If Sailor Moon could not rescue her Hime-chan, no one could…

"Wanna have a candied apple, mummy!" A small boy almost crashed into Michiru as he was busy to lead his mother to the shop where the sweet fruit was sold. The mother smiled apologetically at her, but Michiru only shook amused her head. It was Christmas time, it was normal for children to forget everything else when they saw a candy.

"Gomen nasai."

"No problem, nothing happened." Michiru watched mother and son disappear and studied the sign with a big red apple thoughtfully. Of course she loved candied fruits, but it was something she only did together with a friend. Maybe it was stupid, but her mother had bought her candied fruits whenever they had been on a Christmas market in Michiru's youth. Now Michiru was grown up and her mother was often abroad together with her husband, so they would not buy her any apples any longer. Still the memory of her mother buying her the candy and giving it to her was so comforting, so precious, she did not want to spoil it in buying an apple all by herself.

_Maybe I should buy some Christmas gifts._

Michiru interrupted her train of thought and concentrated on the other shop windows instead showing huge teddy bears and small bunnies. Surely Hotaru would like one, just as Usagi who thought that you could never be old enough to get a cuddly toy.

_If Hime-chan will live to see this Christmas._

Michiru clenched her fists inside her white cloak's pockets and shook slightly her head. No, Hotaru would be alive on Christmas Eve, as alive as Haruka and she would be! They would visit the small child and give her a huge teddy bear. They would sit under a Christmas tree and drink hot chocolate. They would laugh and be happy.

_Hai, because it's Christmas!_

Although Michiru knew that nothing could change destiny. If Sailor Moon could not help, then there was no way for Hotaru be cuddled her under a Christmas tree.

_Sailor Moon will help. She must!_

Michiru stopped before the shop window and already wanted to go inside as she saw a well known person standing only ten metres away in front of another window. Blond hair was hidden under a dark green cap and a dark green scarf covered half of her face. Her eyes were half closed and she was squinting, trying to read something in the shop.

"Hey, sleepyhead, finally woken up?" teased Michiru and could not resist to pull the soft cap from Haruka's head. It was warming her head that the blonde was wearing her St. Nicholas' gift. They had not spoken at all the past day, however, Michiru always made the first step after a fight and never left Haruka in peace until they got along again.

"Michi!" The blonde whirled around, because she had not seen her partner approaching her. "Do you want to frighten me to death?"

Michiru heard the ambiguity, but ignored it. Grinningly she stroked through Harka's fuzzy hair and pushed the cap back on now totally messed strands.

"Are you buying Christmas presents?" She peered over Harka's shoulder and frowned as she saw a jeweller's shop. Gold, silver and diamonds sparkled in all colours of the rainbow. Then Michiru glanced into the shop's interior and saw a beautiful young saleslady standing behind the counter and smiling friendly at a customer.

_Why am I not surprised?_

Michiru rolled her eyes, seeing that Haruka had been more interested in the young woman than in the jewellery. Of course, the blonde would have never spent her money on useless decorations as she called rings, necklaces and earrings.

"Maybe I'll buy some on December twenty-third, if I am still alive then." Muttered the blonde and sighed. Then she shook her head as if to clear it and turned her back to the jeweller's shop. "Did you buy anything?"

"Nope." Michiru shrugged her shoulders and grabbed for Haruka's hand as an older man ran into her and almost knocked her down. He did not even notice and for once the blonde did not scream after him as she normally would have done. But right now her worries were bigger than a stupid granddad not taking care of where he was going.

"Guess I had the same thought." Michiru shrugged her shoulders again helplessly. "Do you want to know what Sailor Moon told me yesterday?"

Haruka glanced at her smaller partner silently, before she shook her head and dragged her with her, not letting go of her hand.

"Tell me this evening when I'll copy your biology homework."

"You could do that now, you know? Writing it on your own, I mean." Michiru grinned challenging, being relieved that Haruka was finally talking to her again. They could not fight against their destiny, could not struggle for their own survivor and for the lives of the ones they loved if they did not get on well with each other.

"No, I don't have time for something as insignificant as homework." Now Haruka was smiling, as well.

_I wish you could always be this way, almost carefree._

"You don't have time? What are you up to now?"

Haruka's smile deepened and she did not stop in their slalom through the crowded arcade until they stood right before the candied fruits shop.

"Buying you an apple."


	8. When your world breaks down

**(8) When your world breaks down**

"What happened?"

Michiru looked up from the magazine she had been holding during the past thirty minutes but not really reading. There were smiling people on its cover, but she rather felt like crying. However, it was enough that Usagi cried and did not stop, no matter how hard Rei and Mamoru tried to comfort her. The rest of the team did not come, they were at home babysitting Chibiusa, who did not even know what had happened right after dinner. When they had visited little Hotaru.

"Dr. Tomoe is still in the operation room with her." She rose and wanted to touch Haruka's shoulder reassuringly, but the blonde backed away, looking around wide-eyed.

"Operation!" There was a hint of panic in Haruka's voice which she could not stifle, although she managed to hide every emotion on her extremely pale face. Michiru had called her on her mobile phone, but had not been able to tell her every details. Haruka only needed half an hour to get here, surely she raced all the way ignoring her aching arm. The blonde was still wearing her dirty workshop clothes. Surely she had left in the middle of her handicrafts lessons not caring of the consequences.

"Hotaru had a heart attack. Right now, Dr. Tomoe is inserting a cardiac peacemaker to save her life." Michiru sat back tiredly in her chair, only to jump on her feet when Haruka crossed the room and grabbed Usagi's arms to shake her violently.

"What have you done to her!" she screamed and a crying Usagi only whimpered and crouched. "You should have helped her, not kill her!"

"She didn't do anything, Ruka!" Michiru wrapped her arms around Haruka's waist and pulled her away from the shaking girl. Mamoru, who had bought coffees together with Rei, pushed his cups in the fire senshi's already full arms and caught his girlfriend before she could hit the ground.

"I only wanted to help…" sobbed the blonde and buried her face in her boyfriend's shoulder and cried even harder. The young man held her tight and looked searching up to Haruka, saw the hate in dark green eyes.

"Help! That's what you call help! To take her to the hospital?" Haruka freed herself from Michiru's embrace, pushed her smaller partner aside. But she did not try to get near Usagi again, instead she stared fumingly down at the blonde.

"It is due to her that Hotaru's still alive! If Usagi would not have been with Hotaru, no one would have noticed her heart attack until it were too late!" Michiru stepped between her raging friend and the two teenagers on the ground.

"You told me to trust her! How could I!" Haruka clenched her fists and suddenly Michiru had to shiver. She had never seen her best friend so angry, so out of control. If the blonde was pulling her henshin now, if she was going to attack them, Michiru was not sure if she could bring her back to her senses.

I've never seen her losing her temper this way… 

"It's not Usagi's fault! Hotaru's an ill child, you know that! It happened because of Hime-chan's weak heart, not because of Usagi being there."

"You believe anything they're telling you, right?" Haruka crossed her arms before her chest and took several deep breaths. It looked as if she was counting to ten, or even up to one hundred; and as if she was fighting against her emotions. Tears sparkled in dark green eyes and Michiru heard the slight tremble in her best friend's voice.

"Ruka…"

At that moment Dr. Tomoe came over to them. He looked tired and suddenly extremely old, although he was not older than thirty-five. He was still wearing his white cloak; there were some tiny blood splashes on the cloth. Not enough to imagine the operation, but enough to make them all gulp.

"Doctor-sama?" It was Rei who had thrown away the coffee and stepped beside the bowed man who rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. "How's Hotaru feeling?"

He corrected his glasses and glanced silently to each one of them. He recognised some of their faces, although strangers were welcomed as well.

"Nice to see that my Hotaru-chan has so many nice friends." He whispered hoarsely, but the words were as loud as explosions in the tense atmosphere. "She'll need everyone of you during the next time."

Usagi sniffed and turned her face around to look directly in tired eyes.

"How's she doing, Tomoe-san?"

"She's alive, but there were some complications." Dr. Tomoe's shoulders hang and he looked around, avoiding to meet their hopeful faces again. "Right now she's in coma."

Silence evolved. Unbelieving, understanding, desperate silence.

"I told you! Not even the mighty Sailor Moon is able to help her!" Haruka ignored the gasps around her as she stormed out of the waiting room, slamming the door behind her.

"I'll tell you if her condition changes." Dr. Tomoe shuffled out of the room. Rei automatically followed him, because she did not want to see him fall, to hurt himself. Hotaru now needed her father more than ever.

"Sailor Moon? What did she mean?" Mamoru helped his girlfriend on her feet and looked exhaustedly at Michiru. He did not want to be involved in a fight, he did not defend their secret identities. He simply wanted to comfort his Usagi and pray for little Hotaru, Chibiusa's new best friend.

"We're Uranus and Neptune." Confessed Michiru, because it the blonde finally deserved the truth. "I beg you pardon, but that's been a shock and she overreacted." The sea beauty raised her opened hands to show that she meant no harm. Then she bowed slightly and followed her partner. They could talk later, explain everything that had been going on since last summer. Now Michiru had to find Haruka before the young woman did something stupid. Before Uranus did something extraordinarily dumb.

But she did not search for long. Haruka was standing right outside the hospital, looking up to the sky, watching the snowflakes' dance. It was soft and light, weightless, silent, peaceful.

"Ruka?"

"In coma!" Haruka clenched her fists and shuffled with her feet in the fresh fallen snow.

"It was not Usagi's fault, Ruka. You know that."

"She could have told us that she was not able to save her. Then she would have never had this damn heart attack!" The blonde shortly glanced at Michiru before she watched the sky again. Michiru gulped as she saw the desperation in her partner's face. At the same time she felt empty, cold within.

"Then you would have killed her yesterday?"

"Hai." Nodded Haruka and ran her trembling fists clumsily over her cheeks. Michiru could not tell if they were only wet from the falling snow melting on Haruka's warm skin. "Then she would not have suffered. No pain, no operation. No coma!"

Haruka sighed deeply and turned her head away as Michiru stepped closer to her. However, this time she did not wince as her best friend wrapped her arms around her and held her gently tight.

No pain… 

In a comforting silence.


	9. The voices tell you turn around

**(9) The voices tell you turn around**

It was peaceful in the small restaurant. Snow was falling silently outside its small windows, candles illuminated a big Christmas tree in its middle. There was no artificial light, no loud radio music, only quiet instrumental music with an occasional "Ho Ho Ho" in between. The scent of cinnamon and fresh baked cake hung in the air and a friendly smiling waitress with a big Santa Clause on her apron walked around and served her customers friendly. She did not even scold when a clumsy girl almost crashed into the glittering tree, because she oversaw her own scarf and stumbled over its end.

"Can I help you, miss?" She asked instead and helped the girl back on her feet. The blonde blushed deeply and two pigtails bobbed as she bowed deeply.

"Gomen nasai." Shortly she looked around and her eyes brightened up as she saw the two persons sitting at a table in a far away corner. "A hot chocolate would be nice."

"A good decision. Just give me five minutes and you'll get the best chocolate you can find in Tokyo." The waitress smiled and took the girl's jacket to put it away. The girl looked nice, but she did not trust her not to destroy anything while trying to free herself out of her thick winter clothes. She shook her head in amusement and went back into the kitchen, humming along to the Christmas song.

"Gomen, I'm late." Usagi sat down on the empty chair and glanced at the two young women. She did not want to give her detentions at school away and she felt that they had more pressing topics to discuss. Michiru was smiling tiredly at her, stirring continuously in her long cold tea.

"Hi, Usagi-kun. No problem."

Haruka did not greet her back; in fact, she did not even turn her head. Emotionless she stared out of the window. Her glass of tea was empty as was the plate before her, but obviously she did not want to have a second helping.

"Any news from Hotaru?"

"No. None." Usagi shook her head sadly and had suddenly lost all her appetite for her chocolate. But she did not dare to stand up to tell the waitress to cancel her order. "We told Chibiusa-chan today. It was not easy for her."

Both Michiru and Usagi looked into the candle's flame between them and sighed deeply. They both knew that every day the little girl was in coma reduced her chances to wake up again, to recover, at least partially.

"I've asked you to come here, because we wanted to ask you if there's anything you can do. I mean, if there's anything Sailor Moon can do." Michiru was whispering, although they decided for a quite corner in a little restaurant. No one would eavesdrop on them here. However, it was a secret they had to keep, at least from normal humans. Sailor Moon was different, she was a senshi, too, after all; even though Haruka in all probability disagreed.

"Well… Rei-kun said…"

"She's Mistress 9." It was the first time that Haruka said something and Usagi almost jumped from her chair as she heard the cold, distant voice. The blonde was still staring out of the window, ignoring her.

"Nani?"

"Hime-chan's Mistress 9. You know what that means, don't you? Or is all you can do swinging your henshin and looking stupidly?"

"Ruka!" Michiru kicked her best friend softly, but warningly with her feet under the table. She did not need a frightened Usagi, but a brave one telling them the truth. Haruka rolled her eyes but did not formulate all the curses inside her mind.

"Mistress 9?" Of course Usagi, or better, Sailor Moon knew about her. They had fought often enough against the evil's youmas and Rei had seen peril in her fire, coming towards them, being able to destroy the whole world.

"Hai. We've found out last week." Michiru stopped stirring her tea, but she did not drink. She merely watched the little whirls disappear. "It's actually our task to destroy Mistress 9." Michiru confessed and gulped as she saw Usagi's face fall, as she saw the tears shimmering in widened blue eyes.

"Tuck in." The cheerful voice of the waitress startled them both. The young woman did not seem to notice their dark mood. She put the hot chocolate with cream right before Usagi, wiped her hands on her Santa Clause and went back to the other end of the restaurant where another customer was waiting for his coffee.

Michiru and Usagi stared silently at the melting cream which was the moment when Haruka decided that she had enough.

"It's been a mistake to ask her!" she snapped and grabbed her jacket hanging over her chair's backrest. "I would have never told her so much!" She slammed a banknote down on the table and walked away. Michiru covered her face with her burning hands for a moment and shook helplessly her head.

"She's irritated right now. Don't take it personal." She rose and put on her white cloak. "If there's anything just call, okay?" Then she followed her Haruka out in the developing snowstorm. The blonde had already pushed her dark green cap over her hair and clenched her fists while she stalked angrily away. Michiru had to run to catch up with her. The taller woman did not react, did not start to talk to her or even curse, which was the worst part of it, always had been. Michiru was just about to ask her some questions, nevertheless, but then she heard the fast footsteps behind them, heard the desperate voice.

"Matte!"

Haruka tried to ignore Usagi, but the girl overtook them and stopped right in front of them. She spread her arms as if she wanted to hold up the blonde by blocking the entire pavement. Usagi did not wear her jacket and snow glittered in her golden pigtails.

"I'll find a way." She gasped and blinked as the snowfall increased and hard wind blew right into her eyes, watered them. "Somehow I'll find a way to defeat Mistress 9 and to rescue Hotaru. There's a way, I know it, and I'll find it!"

"I don't believe you." Replied Haruka heartlessly and started to go away, but Usagi grabbed her arm and held her back, at least for a moment, because the wind senshi was strong and could free herself easily.

"You don't have to. Give me a week and I'll find a way. Please."

"A week when Hime-chan's suffering? When Mistress 9 is laughing at her and at us? You've had your chance, Sailor Moon. Now it's our task to save this earth." Haruka pulled her cap deeply into her face and continued her way on the slippery underground, burying her fists deep inside her jacket's pockets.

"Don't do anything to hurt her!" cried Usagi and wrapped her cold arms around her freezing body, smiling through her tears at Michiru who offered her her scarf and her own fur cap. "Don't do anything you might regret later!"

Haruka did not hesitate, her steps did not falter. She did not turn around but simply walked away. Soon she disappeared within the snowstorm, leaving a freezing Usagi and a crestfallen Michiru behind.


	10. When your dreams give out

**(10) When your dreams give out**

"You haven't opened her calendar." Chibiusa put a small bowl on the table in Hotaru's room. It contained little chocolate bars in the form of different animals. "I've opened it for you, so that you'll know when Christmas has come." There were tears sparkling in pink eyes, but Chibiusa did not cry. Bravely she sat down next to the white bed and took her best friend's lifeless hand. To hold it tight, to hold her back in this life, to never let her go.

The future princess of Crystal Tokyo did not see all the machines making unnerving noise around her nor did she notice all the needles sticking in Hotaru's pale skin. The taller girl's eyes were closed, her face ashen. Tubes were connected to her throat, doing the breathing for her. Her body was not able to do it all by herself. Not now. Maybe never again…

"There's was no sport lesson today, because of all the snow. My teacher slipped and broke his ankle, you know. So I don't have to do any of those stupid exercises till the end of the year…" chatted Chibiusa and stroked over Hotaru's hand, ignoring the fact that Hotaru did not answer her, could probably not even hear her.

Michiru nodded towards Mamoru who sat outside the room, drinking another cup of tea, looking very tired, indeed. Then she entered the room. She was not as naïve as the future princess, she did see all the machines, the needles, the tubes. They made her feel even more helpless. And Angry. Angry at herself for that she had not been able to protect the little girl better.

The sea beauty did not disturb Chibiusa's tale. She only smiled at the future princess and put her flowers to the others on the table. It looked like the entire Senshi team had visited the ill girl. They all had brought flowers with them, surely, because did not know what else to do. No one except Rei and Usagi who stopped their silly little fights at once and started to search for a solution at once.

Michiru hoped, no, she prayed that they would really find a way as Usagi had promised them only yesterday. Because it looked as if there was not much time left for Hotaru…

"You can go in, as well." Mamoru's voice sounded friendly, but Michiru was sure that Haruka's face showed nothing but hostility towards him.

"I don't like hospitals and it's my decision if I want to stay outside, thank you very much." There were footsteps walking away, probably towards the vending machine serving coffee and warm tea. Michiru sighed, but she knew it was senseless. Haruka did only accompany her, because she did not want her walking around in the bad weather. The snowstorm got worse and the streets were icy.

Michiru knew too well that Haruka did not like hospitals. Still the sea beauty did not know much about her partner in crime; however she got to know during the past months that Haruka was raised by her grandmother after her parents died during a fatal accident when the blonde had been ten years old. The doctors fought for their lives but lost in the end. Surely Haruka was feeling the same now as she had then; even though she did not show it.

"… and then Luna, Usagi's cat, ate my pudding. Can you believe it? I've been looking forward to it and then this baka neko eats it…" Chibiusa squeezed the cold hand carefully and sniffed a little bit as she two tears rolled over her burning cheeks. Michiru stood next to the sea of flowers, fixing her red roses. She did not know how to react, if she should say something to her future princess and if, what she should tell her. Michiru did not have any comforting words for herself, least alone any for a sad Chibiusa.

"It's time to go, Chibiusa-chan." Mamoru saved her by entering the room and telling his future daughter to come with him. Hotaru was laying on the intensive care unit, every visitor had only five minutes and the nurses did supervise this room strictly.

"I don't wanna go…" sulked Chibiusa but rose nevertheless as the young man gently took her free hand. For along moment she held Hotaru's tight, before she let go, hesitatingly.

"We'll visit her tomorrow, little one."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

_If she's still here tomorrow._

Michiru crumpled the paper and followed them to find a dustbin to throw it away. She almost crashed into Mamoru as the young man stopped, bowed and took a now openly crying Chibiusa in his arms to carry her.

"Usagi's trying everything in her might." He said and hugged the little girl who wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder.

"I know. I do trust her." Michiru was surprised to hear those words from her own mouth and she was even more surprised to find that she meant them. Really meant them from the depth of her heart.

Mamoru smiled tiredly. Then he indicated a bow and left. He was wearing his normal winter clothes, no dark tuxedo, still Michiru believed to hear the swirling of his black cape. She shook her head and went back to Hotaru's room. There were some minutes left of her visiting time and she wanted to use them before she would search for Dr. Tomoe and ask him again if there were any changes in Hotaru's condition.

Signalling her survival or her… 

No, she did not want to end that thought. It was too brutal, she was not ready to face it. Not yet.

"Gomen…"

Michiru recognized the silent voice before she entered the room. She stopped on the threshold and watched Haruka sitting on the chair which Chibiusa had inhabited only seconds before. However, the blonde did not hold Hotaru's hand or stoke through dark hair. It seemed as if the wind senshi was afraid to touch the little girl. As if Hotaru could break under her fingers.

_She looks so fragile._

_They both do…_

Michiru gulped as she saw the small teddy bear in Haruka's hands. Normally it was buried somewhere in the blonde's bed under a one of her soft pillows. Now it was gently put down next to the unconscious little girl. To take care of her. To watch over her deep sleep. To show her that she was not alone.

"Gomen…"

Haruka leaned back in the chair and stared blindly at the machines. Not seeing Michiru leaning against the door frame, fighting with her tears. Not hearing Hotaru's unnatural breathing. Not noticing anything but her own thoughts, her own personal guilt.

"I couldn't protect you, Hime-chan."


	11. When the stars go blind

**(11) When the stars go blind**

Michiru knew immediately that something was wrong. Completely wrong. Haruka had used her henshin, she did transform into Sailor Uranus. And she was nowhere to be found. Not in her bed, not in the kitchen, not in the bathroom.

_What happened?_

The sea beauty threw her white coat over her nightshirt and ran down the staircases of the residential block they were living in. Haruka had been very silent today. They had visited Hotaru again after school, learning that there was no change in the small girl's condition. Afterwards they went to the arcade with Chibiusa. Usagi was still at Rei's temple and Mamoru wanted to go to her without a crying girl in his arms. So Michiru volunteered to baby sit their future princess. She did a lousy job, mainly because Chibiusa did not feel like laughing and joking around at all. So they ended up in a cinema watching a silly cartoon about angels, eating popcorn and trying not to think of poor Hotaru laying lifelessly in her bed. Of course it did not succeed any of them. Haruka had always been near. She bought the tickets, she ordered the popcorn and even lend Chibiusa her gloves as the girl discovered that she left hers in the hospital. However, the blonde did hardly say a word. She had been distant and lost in thoughts. Michiru did not notice it, though, because this mood had been nothing special regarding the circumstances. But now she grew worried.

_Something has happened!_

Michiru threw open the door and shivered as bitter cold welcomed her. It was almost midnight and the air was several degrees below the freezing point. Her breath hung as a tiny cloud before her mouth and her fingers started to turn stiff while she headed towards the parking space. She did not notice that she was only wearing her slippers; she could have cared less. Twice she slipped and almost fell down, but she did not stop. Determinedly she jumped over a small snow hill and slit over the frozen asphalt.

"No…" Michiru groaned as she saw the empty space where normally Haruka's yellow car was parked.

_She's not here._

The sea beauty turned around, but there was no one out here, no one besides her. No Haruka telling her that she only had been out for a drive and that a youma had attacked, but that she could defeat it and that everything was fine.

Somehow Michiru could not believe in the youma attack theory. No, she would have felt its presence, as well. Haruka had transformed for another reason.

_But why?_

Michiru put her head in her neck and looked up to the sky above. It stopped to snow while they watched the cartoon. But no stars could be seen. There were dark clouds before them, promising more snow, meaning more darkness. The sea beauty took a deep breath and wondered when she had seen the stars sparkle for the last time. Surely before winter started. But maybe even before she took the golden henshin and transformed into Sailor Neptune for the first time.

_I'd like to sit and watch the stars all night. Together with Ruka._

Once Michiru considered to go into a observatory instead. Ami made a school project on constellation Orion and she thought about going with the water senshi, dragging Haruka unasked along. However a youma made its appearance and destroyed all her plans. After that she had not thought about it. Not until yet.

Michiru wrapped her arms around her shivering body and squinted as the thick cloud above her parted slightly and revealed a tiny blinking diamond. The sea beauty rubbed her tired eyes and looked closer, but there it was: A little star, winking at her. Michiru's teeth were chattering with cold, but she had to smile nevertheless.

_If that would be a shooting star, I'd wish you a fast recovery, Hime-chan._

Michiru closed her eyes and enjoyed the silence around her. Something cold fell on her face, ran down her cheeks and she knew that it had started to snow again. The sea beauty was repugnant to do so, but she opened her eyes again to view the tiny crystals dancing around her. There was no snow storm raging around her this time. No, there was no wind there at all. The flakes were floating weightlessly as if they were the ones in the crystal balls they sold in the arcade – and she was right in the middle of it.

Her smile faltered a little bit as she searched the darkness above which the snowflakes seemed to flee from. The little star was gone.

Michiru turned around as she heard the car engine, expecting her Haruka coming back, cursing over the icy streets and stupid drivers. Hopefully she stepped aside, opening the way to the blonde's parking space. But it was not a yellow sports car finding its way home. It was a silver estate car. Michiru frowned and tried to search her memory where she had seen it before. Sure, she knew it, but where from?

Mamoru opened the door and answered her questions, at least some of them.

_He's here?_

_Where's Ruka?_

"Kaioh-kun?" He looked searchingly around and a relieved expression appeared on his tired face as he saw her. "You have to come with me. It's urgent." He did not comment her strange outfit and why she was standing on an empty parking lot in the middle of the night. Maybe he did not even notice.

"What happened? Is Ruka okay?" She climbed into the car and held her stiff hands against the heating.

"We need your powers as Sailor Neptune. Otherwise Usagi-chan won't have enough power to rescue little Hotaru." Mamoru put the key back into the ignition lock and remained still for a moment before he started the car again.

"Little Hotaru?"

Oh no… 

Michiru fumbled for the strap, but could not hold it. Her fingers were suddenly trembling too much.

"Did she have another heart attack?"

"No." Mamoru obviously could not look at her. Instead he concentrated on the icy road in front of him. It was at that moment that Michiru saw that he was already wearing his black tuxedo. The cape, the mask and the hat were laying on the backseat. "Sailor Uranus tried to kill her tonight."


	12. When the darkness starts

**(12) When the darkness starts to flood your eyes**

Michiru had always wondered how she could take care of so many little details when the important things slipped from her numb mind. She did not remember how they reached the hospital, but she could tell that the church's clock tower rang midnight and that the big calendar on the Tokyo Tower showed a number and the slogan: Halftime to Christmas.

There were no nurses around and Michiru could not see a single doctor, not even Dr. Tomoe. She wondered briefly if Sailor Moon or the other senshi did something to prevent them from entering this wing, but she quickly forgot her questions as she saw Hotaru's room at the other end of the corridor. It was illuminated in a golden light.

"There you are. Finally!" welcomed Sailor Mercury them. She looked exhausted. "She's not able to hold it any longer."

Mamoru nodded and put on the mask. It was merely a symbol for he owned the earth's power and did not have to transform as the senshi of the other planets. But apparently he felt more self-confident in doing so. He stepped into the room, right behind his girlfriend, closed his eyes and let himself be surrounded by the golden light filling the room. Sailor Moon was standing in its middle and there was a direct link between her and Hotaru laying still unconscious in her bed. The tubes were gone and the machines mute. Michiru needed a moment to see that they were broken. Someone had cut the wires and smashed the glass. Nevertheless, the little girl still breathed, although Michiru could feel that she was only alive, because Sailor Moon's power gave her enough strength not to die. But it was not enough strength. Sailor Moon was powerful, but she was also young. Very young. She would not make it alone.

Michiru glanced around, saw Mars, Mercury, Venus, Jupiter and even Chibi Sailor Moon standing next to their future queen. The sea beauty did not hesitate any moment longer. She pulled her henshin out of her bathrobe's pockets and raised it into the air.

"Sailor Neptune… make up!"

It was a silly motto. She had always been ashamed of her, an almost grown up girl, shouting such a stupid sentence, but today she could not have cared less. It was for Hotaru's sake. And for Hotaru she would have even worn a dress like Chibiusa's.

Michiru felt herself transforming. Willingly she gave her power into the golden light – and had to see that it was still not enough to fight against Mistress 9. A blood red light slowly but constantly emerged from the little girl's body. A shadow was sitting next on the bed, laughing madly at them. It, or better, she directed the red light against the golden glow, growing stronger and stronger. It was only a matter of time until Sailor Moon would lose, no matter how hard, how bravely she fought.

_We need more power._

_We need strength._

Neptune looked desperately around until her eyes found a well known staff laying on the ground. She bowed and picked up Uranus' henshin.

_It's possible with her power._

"I'll be right back!" The other senshi held their eyes closed, nevertheless Michiru felt the need to reassure them. She was not running away, she was merely searching for help. She did not break the contact to the golden light, however, and dragged a shimmering beam behind her.

She had not known Haruka for a long time, only for a couple of months, nevertheless she found her immediately. Maybe it was her instinct, her good luck or simply the henshin in her hand guiding her to its owner, but she saw the blonde at once sitting on the ground of the guest toilet. She crouched between the two washbasins, staring with empty eyes at the doors opposite.

"Take your henshin and transform!" Michiru did not care about hurting herself as she went on her knees. The tiles were cold and hard, but all she knew was that Sailor Moon needed their help. Little Hotaru needed them.

Haruka did not reply anything. She watched as Neptune pushed the golden staff in her slippery hands, but it went right through her fingers. She did not even try to hold it tight and to transform.

"Transform! There's not much time!" Michiru picked up the henshin and gasped as she saw the blood on it. She looked closer at her partner in crime and saw that Haruka's palms were cut and bleeding.

_The cut wires._

_The smashed glass._

Michiru gulped, then she pushed the henshin again into Haruka's bleeding hands, but held them tight so that she could not lose the staff again.

"Ruka!" She whispered and bowed forward to look into expressionless eyes. Dark green eyes looked back at her but it seemed that the blonde did not notice her, that she was looking right through her into a world only she did know the entrance to.

"Ruka, please! Sailor Moon needs you now." Michiru did not even notice the tears running over her cheeks. She held the hands tighter and leaned her forehead against her best friend's. "Hime-chan needs you." Some tears were dripping on the blonde's pale face. "I need you, Ruka."

Haruka blinked and her fixed stare returned from her world beyond back to the now and here. She looked around searchingly and her eyes grew wide as she saw her partner's tearful face. At that moment she remembered what she had done.

"I… no…"

"Transform." Urged Michiru and raised their hands until Haruka could see the golden henshin, noticed that her best friend already wore her sailor fuku. "We need your power to defeat Mistress 9 and to rescue Hotaru."

"But…"

"Our Hime-chan needs us, Ruka!"

The blonde gulped. Then she nodded slowly and closed her eyes. She did not shout the stupid motto, she merely whispered it. However, it was loud enough. Soon another light flashed through the empty corridor, met with the golden shine in the small room.

There was even more mad laughter.

There was a scream.

There was a dazzling white flash filling the hospital, Tokyo, the world.

Purple eyes opened and looked sleepily around while Chibi Sailor Moon ran with an excited squeal over to her best friend's bed to take her in her arms. Mercury, Mars, Venus and Jupiter went on their knees, gasping hard for breath. Tuxedo Mask touched reassuringly his girlfriend's arm. Sailor Moon only nodded and smiled broadly. Happily.

_I was right to trust her._

Neptune was busy to catch her partner as Uranus fainted.


	13. When you're falling behind

**(13) When you're falling behind**

Michru had always found it difficult to play to in an empty concert hall, because during the concert the seats were filled and the acoustic did change. But she could hardly tell her class to watch her play. So she stood in the middle of the empty hall, playing her notes with closed eyes. There was no one there to see or even criticize her. Her music teacher and the other members of the orchestra were long gone, but she had to rehearse her piece of music again. Partly because she was hoping that Haruka would come and accompany her on the grand piano. But sadly enough, no wind senshi came.

Michiru sighed slightly and put her violin down. Probably her best friend was still at her sport club, ignoring her injured arm, running against her opponents, running away from herself…

"That was fantastic."

Startled she looked up as she heard the clapping. Haruka was not standing there admiring her skills, but Usagi and Mamoru. The girl still wore her school uniform, obviously they came directly to Michiru's boarding school as her lessons ended.

"Hey, you two, that's a surprise." Although Michiru felt disappointed she could not help but return Usagi's happy smile. The blonde held her boyfriend's hand tight and they looked deeply in love. "What are you doing here? Hopefully not listening to my rehearsal." Michiru joked and put her violin in its case.

"You sound great, Michiru-kun. I wish I could play that way." Marvelled Usagi. "Are you going to give a concert?"

"My orchestra is giving a concert. That was only my solo part." Michiru closed the instrument's case and jumped from the stage to come over to them. "We're giving a concert on New Year's Day. You're welcome to come."

"Great!" squealed Usagi happily and Michiru wondered briefly how this girl could ever become their queen. Then she remembered what had happened only yesterday and changed her mind. Usagi was indeed very young but she was also very powerful. She could achieve goals others had to fail. And she had a big heart, liked her friends and was able to forgive everything, even towards her enemies, or her former enemies, like them…

"We'll be there." Confirmed Mamoru his girlfriend's words. "We want to stroll over the Christmas market and then visit Hotaru and..."

"We want to buy her a big chocolate Santa Clause!" interrupted Usagi her boyfriend and dragged him impatiently out of the dark hall into the winter's twilight. The days got shorter and shorter and dusk came almost after dawn had taken place.

"I'm not sure if she's allowed to eat chocolate yet. She's still ill, you know." Mamoru made a doubtful face and didn't mind to be pulled over the boarding school's grounds towards the parking lot.

"It's Christmas time, every little girl should have a chocolate Santa Clause." Now Usagi was sulking. Surely she wanted to hint that she wanted to have a chocolate Santa Clause, too, since she was as small as it served her. For a big chocolate bar she would be willingly tell everybody that she was only five years old.

Michiru giggled and hang her coat around her shoulders to protect her from the freezing cold but also to hide her ugly school uniform. Silently she envied Usagi for her bright one. It looked better and a lot more positive.

"Okay, we buy one but we'll ask Tomoe-san before we give it to Hotaru, alright?"

"Alright."

Yes, Hotaru was still in hospital, she was still ill. But she left the intensive care unit and her heart's data improved over night. It was a little miracle. One evening she was in deep coma and doomed to die, the next day she was awake and able to breathe on her own. She would have a weak heart for the rest of her life, but she would recover. She would live.

"Do you want to come with us?" Mamoru opened his car and Usagi hopped on the front-passenger seat looking for a nice CD they could listen to while they drove to the inner city of Tokyo. "I'm sure Hotaru will be glad to see you."

Michiru glanced hesitatingly around but all she found was an empty parking space. Mamoru followed her look and shrugged his shoulders.

"She'd be welcomed, too."

"I know." Yes, Michiru had known that neither Usagi nor the others blamed Haruka for what she had done the other night. In the end it had been Uranus' power with which Sailor Moon was able to defeat Mistress 9 and to rescue little Hotaru. However, Michiru sensed that Haruka did not want to face Usagi and her team nor did she dare to visit Hotaru. The sea beauty wanted to talk to her, wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that everything was fine, but she got no opportunity to do so. Haruka had already left their apartment when she woke up and disappeared right after their lessons.

Michiru hoped that Haruka would return early in the evening so that she could talk to her. That she would return at all.

_She feels like she had let us down._

Michiru sighed and put her violin case on the backseat before she climbed into Mamoru's estate car, this time with winter fitting clothes and not only in a nightshirt.

"Let's go, Hime-chan's surely waiting for us."

"Hai!" Usagi grinned and put a CD into the player. Mamoru started the car but only rolled his eyes as she had to listened to the newest boygroup's schmaltzy song, again. "What do you wanna eat on the market? I wanna have a big chocolate bar." She glanced over to her boyfriend to make sure that he had heard her wish. "A. Big. Chocolate. Bar."

"Maybe a candied apple." She would not be eating it together with her Haruka, but she would not have to eat it all alone, so it was fine. Silently she had to giggle as Mamoru looked pleadingly up to the car's ceiling, but no one answered him, no one helped. He had to survive the Christmas market all by himself, and buy his girlfriend a really BIG chocolate bar, as well. And so he did. Only ten minutes later Usagi was holding it in her gloves, dirtying her scarf and grinning at the glittering shop windows with a brown smile.

"I'll buy some roasted almonds, I'll be right back." Mamoru shoved gently through the crowded place. Usagi nodded and continued to eat her chocolate happily, pointing at another shop's windows. "They look very soft."

Michiru turned and recognized the toy shop she had looked at some days ago. In another life as it seemed. So much happened in between. So much good.

Maybe I should buy the teddy bear now. Hime-chan's going to be alive at Christmas and it seems as if we won't die on our mission, as well.

The sea beauty smiled happily and stepped to the window to look closer at the cuddly toys.

"I do have one of them, too. Mamoru-chan bought me one on my last birthday. They are cool, although Chibiusa always wants mine!"

Michiru hardly listened to what the girl, their saviour, was telling her. She only had eyes for the big teddy bear, imagining little Hotaru hugging it with reddened cheeks and an excited smile. A movement in the glass' reflection, however, startled her. She believed to see a certain blonde standing on the other side of the street, but as she swirled around to search for her she was gone. There were many people passing by, chatting, laughing, eating, humming, but Haruka was not there.

_An illusion?_

Michiru frowned but forgot the incident as Mamoru returned and the two friends dragged her over the market for another half an hour before they drove to the hospital and visited a giggling Hotaru, opening her Christmas calendar while Chibiusa watched her with shinning eyes.


	14. I will carry you

**(14) I will carry you**

"Isn't it peaceful?"

Michiru stroked some strands escaping her white cap behind her ears. Rough wind was tugging at her figure but she did not mind. The sea before her was endless, the horizon both so near and so far away. She felt as if she could touch the edge of the world but at the same time she knew that it was impossible.

_Just as impossible as Hime-chan's rescue. But still she's alive._

Michiru smiled and spread her arms. The water was wild in front of her, mysteriously dark and foaming. She could not see its ground but she loved to hear the waves crashing at the snow covered beach.

"I'm the king of the world." Whispered Michiru and giggled. She did not really like that movie, but she could understand the main actress' feelings about the freedom the sea could give you. The feeling of spreading your wings and flying away, with no boundaries, no worries, no duties.

"Hope we're not standing on a sinking ship." Mocked Haruka muffled. The blonde had not talked to her all day; but nevertheless she accompanied the sea beauty to a stroll along the beach during dusk. Michiru did not ask her directly, she only told her where she was going and Haruka took her jacket wordlessly. It was one thing to visit little Hotaru in hospital or spend time with Usagi and her friends, but it was a total different thing walking in the dark, all alone.

"I can't see any icebergs." Michiru fought with her white scarf and turned around to her best friend. Haruka had covered almost all of her face with her own one, only her dark green eyes could bee seen from the outside. The wind was really cold but Michiru always said that there was no bad weather, only bad clothes. And after she stood only in her nightshirt on a parking lot in the middle of the night she could hardly argue with the winter's cold now, could she?

"And even if there was, we would sail around it."

_Because Sailor Moon is our captain._

Michiru bowed and picked up some snow. She did not feel its cold through her gloves, so she could concentrate on forming a perfect snowball – which she threw shamelessly at Haruka. The blonde blinked surprised, but before she could react, Michiru had already overpowered her. They both fell down into the soft snow and the sea beauty giggled happily.

"Snow fight!" She gasped and took two hand full of snow to soap her best friend. Haruka looked wide-eyed at her as she felt the wet, ice cold element going through her scarf and running down her spine.

"Arg! Michi! That's unfair!" she grumbled and finally started to defend herself before Michiru had buried her completely in the winter's snow. She grabbed her best friend's hands and tried to stop her. But Michiru did not want to stop, she felt so happy, so free; she wanted to share that feeling with everyone – with Hotaru, with Usagi and her friends and, of course, with Haruka. The blonde did not seem as if she wanted to smile or even laugh. Well, Michiru did know a way.

"It's my job as a friend to be unfair." Michiru grinned and brought up her heavy guns. She slipped out of her gloves Haruka was still holding tightly and started to tickle the blonde. First she did not achieve anything than a stunned look on Haruka's face as she shook the now empty gloves incomprehensibly in her hands. But then she found a way inside Haruka's loosely buttoned jacket, right to her ticklish sides.

"Wah! Michi!" It was the first laugh Michiru had heard from Haruka for days, maybe even for weeks. She grinned diabolically and made a mental promise to herself to tickle her best friend more often.

"There's no escape from the invincible tickle master!" laughed Michiru and squealed as Haruka finally threw away the empty gloves and started to tickle the sea beauty in return, as well.

"Invincible? You? Never!"

"Wah! Stop it! That's been my secret weapon! Ruka!"

"Now that I know of it it's not secret anymore."

"Ruka!"

Michiru lost her balance and fell into the snow right beside the blonde who actually stopped tickling her but left her hands by the smaller woman's side, just in case. They were out of breath and both of their faces were redden, not only from the falling night's bitter cold. Snow glittered in their messed hair and their caps where laying on the stamped down underground around them.

"Peace?" panted Haruka and blinked as snow fell into her face. But as she looked up she saw that it was not due to their childish fight but that it had started to snow again.

"Truce." Michiru was still grinning madly, but this time Haruka was prepared. Her hands tossed forward and grabbed Michiru's wrists before the sea beauty could attack her with another snow pile she had secretly gathered behind her back. If she was already laying in the white element why not use it?

"That's what you're calling a truce? I'd call it cheeky." Haruka's cheeks were redden and she was smiling. She looked completely different than the girl Michiru had seen during the past days, always hiding in her car or in her own room, not talking to her, not talking to anyone, staring dully in her schoolbooks, refusing to answer the phone or any questions Michiru was confronting her with.

_She should laugh more often._

Michiru intertwined her fingers with Haruka's wet gloves and her smile got tenderly.

_She's so beautiful when she's laughing._

Haruka blushed deeply and looked away, watched the snow swirling around them. Slowly she rose and pulled Michiru with her.

"We should go back or we'll catch a cold."

"Will you nurse me then?" Michiru picked up her gloves and cap and put them into her jacket's pockets. Then she took Haruka's hand again as if it was the most natural thing on earth. Haruka did not mind, maybe she pretended to hold her in case she would slip and fall.

"I can burn water, you know."

"No problem, then we'll order pizza."

"That's unhealthy."

"Being nursed with burnt food is unhealthy."

"So don't get ill." Haruka shook her head to free her messed hair from its layer of snow. For a while they were walking in silence, both of them thinking their own thoughts.

"Do you want a fir or a pine tree?"

"Huh?" Haruka blinked surprised.

"The Christmas tree. Fir or pine? That's important." Michiru looked over to the wide sea, already thinking where to hang which glass ball and counting how many candles they needed and, of course, where they should put the tree. Since it was their first Christmas together in this boarding school, there was a massive planning to be done.

_Now that we'll see this year's Christmas. Alive._

"I thought you'd visit your parents. I don't need a tree." Haruka lowered her head as if to concentrate on her steps on the slippery ground.

"My parents are overseas for a Christmas tour. I'd only be in their way." Michiru shrugged her shoulders. She did not feel sorry, because this was the way it was, always had been. Mostly they did return in January and then they'd celebrate a late Christmas together. "So, fir or pine? I only have ten more days to decide, that's not much."

"Pine." There was a small smile on Haruka's face. Michiru squeezed the wet glove gently.

_I would never leave you alone on Christmas, Ruka. I'll never let you alone._


	15. Everybody cries

**(15) Everybody cries**

Silver balls covered the entire living room. They inhabited the couch, the small table, the armchair and, of course, the carpet. Michiru was sitting in the middle of the bouncing sea. She bought the Christmas decoration today. Or better, Usagi, Mamoru and she did buy it since Haruka had detention in biology, because she forgot to write her essay about cell formation. The teacher was not very pleased and told her to write it after class and to hand it in immediately afterwards. So Michiru had to decide without her best friend for the decoration, but she was sure that she did a great job. Even if Haruka did not like the colour or the small patterns engraved on the surface, she would surely laugh when she saw the silver balls bouncing all through the living room. It had been Mamoru's idea to buy unbreakable Christmas balls. Usagi was very clumsy and after she broke half of her mother's decoration last year they decided for children-proven one. Since Michiru did not see a difference, at least not on the outside, she agreed and was now having a great time throwing them around and watching them bouncing off the walls, the couch and the table.

"I hate biology."

Michiru could hear Haruka's grumbling even before she could see the blonde peering through the half opened door. She aimed and a silver ball missed Haruka's head for only a few centimetres.

"Woah! Watch out what you're doing. You'll break my head and your…" Haruka raised one eyebrow as the shattering noise failed to come. Instead the silver whirlwind came jumping back into the room, hopped around happily and finally found its rest on the couch next to its brothers and sisters. "What's that? Alien invasion from Mars?"

"I'm sure Rei would have warned us." Giggled Michiru and threw another silver ball into the air to catch it again. "No, that's our Christmas decoration. Shatter-proof."

"I'm going to buy the pine. I don't want it waltzing in our living room." Haruka tried not to step on any silver balls in case they would bite back as she made her way over to the couch. But the telephone started to ring before she could sit down.

"Could you answer it?" Michiru was sitting between the decoration like a mother goose between her goslings. Three of them were laying on her lap and at least ten besieged her feet. Haruka saw that she had lost and stood up, sighing deeply. It was obvious that she wanted to relax after a long school day, to forget her biology teacher, to watch a cartoon or the sport news on TV and to beg Michiru for a sandwich. None of those activities included leaving the couch and therefore moving her tired bones at all.

Michiru collected the decoration and put it back into the boxes. She thought of their schedules to find a time when they both had no rehearsal and not much homework to do so that they could go to the city together to buy a pine. The sea beauty trusted Haruka to buy a normal tree, however, she wanted to be with her. A Christmas tree was an important decision and it was her who wanted to decorate it. She had to decide for the right size and for the number of branches. Besides she wanted to spend more time with her best friend outside school.

Michiru heard Haruka pick up the phone and saying something. Then there was silence. Maybe someone dialled the wrong number, maybe it was Usagi talking without giving Haruka any possibility of replying. Michiru had spent long afternoons next to Hotaru's hospital bed with Usagi and Chibiusa by her side, she knew exactly the way the two Tsukinos were able to gossip.

_I guess I should rescue her._

Michiru smiled and put the boxes under the small table. Then she got up and went over to her best friend, already debating in her mind if they still had enough rice to make a delicious dinner. Haruka looked like she needed one, especially after having written five pages of total senseless stuff, as she often called their biology lessons.

_Before Usagi's chewing her ear off._

But Michiru's amused smile disappeared as she saw the blonde kneeling next to the coat rack where they kept their telephone, because that was easier than searching it everywhere in the apartment. Sure, their empire was small, however, Haruka's room seemed to be a black hole. Whatever it devoured was gone forever… or for at least unnerving two hours.

Right now Haruka held the phone tight in her hand and was staring at it with tear filled eyes. Her cheeks were wet and Michiru needed some moments to hear her silent sobs and to understand that her best friend was crying.

Oh god… what… 

"Ruka? What happened?" She rushed over to the kneeling woman and could catch the phone as it escaped trembling fingers. "Did Hotaru have another attack or did Mistress 9 come back?" Suddenly she felt very sick and very cold. "Tell me, what's wrong?"

"It's been Hime-chan…" said Haruka, still trembling, after long minutes that felt like eternity to the sea beauty. "She asked my when I'd visit her, because she has drawn pictures of Santa Clause and wants to show them to me."

Haruka buried her blushed face behind her shaking hands as if she was ashamed of her tears. Or as if she was ashamed of herself.

"Can you imagine? I've tried to kill her and she still wants to see me…" Haruka shook her head and let Michiru embrace her. "I've tried to kill her and she doesn't hate me…"

_No one hates you._

Now Michiru knew why Haruka had been so quiet, so distant during the past days. She had not been offended or even angry, because they needed Sailor Moon's help to succeed in their mission, to rescue Hotaru and to defeat Mistress 9. No, she had been ashamed of what she had done and thought that Usagi and the other would have never wanted to talk to her again.

_It's the opposite, Ruka. The opposite._

"You've tried to protect her, Ruka." Michiru pulled her best friend closer and held her comfortingly tight. "No one blames you, especially not Usagi. You should know her by now, she only sees the good in other people; and she has seen your good side long before." Michiru caressed lovingly Haruka's trembling back. "I've seen your good side when we met for the first time, Ruka, and I know that you only wanted to save Hime-chan that day, so stop to worry and visit her."

Haruka did not reply anything. She only closed her burning eyes and let the tears fall she had kept within her soul for the past days, maybe even for the past months when she had thought that every day could be her last one. That every day she could become a murder, killing an innocent person for the sake of the world. That every day she could lose Michiru, her one and only friend…

"You've only tried to rescue the ones you care for, Ruka."

_And that's why I love you._


	16. Everybody bleeds

**(16) Everybody bleeds**

"Maybe we should ask Dr. Tomoe-san if it's okay to give her such a big gift so shortly before Christmas." Wondered Michiru aloud and snickered as she glanced over to her best friend carrying a big teddy bear. The sun was shinning from a blue sky so they decided to walk to the hospital and to visit little Hotaru. But as Haruka made a small detour to the arcade and headed straight towards the toy shop, Michiru got the idea that the blonde would have walked no matter if it would have rained, snowed or even if a volcano would have broken out. Without their car they were faster in and out again and Haruka did not mind to carry the big cuddly toy around. No, she did even seem to be proud to have such a nice gift for Hotaru, even if that would spoil the little girl. But Michiru had the slight feeling that their Hime-chan had never been spoiled a lot in her young life; she deserved to have two crazy friends.

_At least she's not dressed up as Santa Clause_.

Michiru could not stifle her laugh and got an irritated look from Haruka.

"I'm sure he won't mind. Besides, such a hospital bed is lonely, she needs someone to cuddle!" Haruka was determined. No one would stand in her way, or better, the teddy's way, to make a little girl happy.

"Poor Mamoru." Michiru grinned and walked around a frozen puddle. They were in the side streets of Tokyo and although there were many families living in nice houses along the road, no one had gritted the pavement.

"Why's he involved in Hime-chan's toy?" Haruka frowned and held the teddy tighter as it tried to escape her arms to live a short but happy life in the cold snow.

"Now he has to buy such a teddy for Usagi and Chibiusa, as well. I can almost hear them scream when they see it the first time."

"I'll never understand why he's still her boyfriend. As Sailor Moon she's strong, sure, but there's still a long way to go before she'll ever be a graceful queen."

"Because he loves her."

Dark green and deep blue eyes met, then Haruka looked away. There was a faint blush on her cheeks, but she covered it while fighting with the huge teddy bear.

"When's Hime-chan's dismissed from hospital?"

"You mean, discharged, right? She's not in prison, you know." Michiru noticed Haruka's swift change of topic but did not go any deeper into it.

"Hospital is a prison. Bad food, hard beds and niggling nurses."

"I thought the nurses there are quite nice. But as you are an expert on…" Michiru never got the chance to finish her sentence. There was a flash before her eyes and she reacted by instinct. Long months of fighting against youmas told her what to do.

"Sailor Neptune… make up!"

Again she was too busy to be annoyed by that stupid motto. Instead she raised her henshin, hardly noticing that she was wearing her furry winter jacket over her fuku. Probably her body decided that it was too cold to fight in a short skirt and a thin blouse. However, she had no time to wonder. The youma, an ugly mixture of a car and a Doberman, was growling dangerously at her. Michiru liked dogs, every dog, no matter if it was a small or a big one. But she did not like this youma, definitely did not like those sharp teeth pointing at her.

"Deep Submerge!" She screamed her spell, but the monster was faster. Her wave missed it and Neptune turned around to run away, at least for ten steps. Her weapon was useless if she had not space to throw it. The youma, however was faster. It jumped and caught her arm. Pain flashed through her body and she screamed. Instinctively she hit the Doberman-car left-handed with her henshin over its head and it let go of her arm.

"Earth Shaking!"

She heard her partner's cry and hoped that Uranus was able to defeat the ugly monster, because she did not feel like fighting any longer. Her arm hurt and she was not able hold her henshin with her right hand any longer. Suddenly she felt dizzy and went on her knees. Warm liquid was running over her fingers and she needed some moments to realize that it was blood. Her blood. Leaking out of her jacket's sleeve into the snow.

_Like snow white._

Only that she did not have black hair.

"Michi?" Haruka's soft voice penetrated her confused mind slowly. She raised her head and looked at Uranus standing next to her. Although Michiru remembered that the sun had shone merely minutes ago, she could not see it any longer. Darkness crept into the world and all she could see were snowflakes whirling around. The wind blew harder; it seemed that another storm was coming.

"Michi? Are you alright?"

Uranus was standing beside her, looking worriedly down at her. Probably she had defeated the youma; at least it did not attack any longer.

"I'm… dizzy…" Michiru raised her hurting arm and dark green eyes grew wide. The next moment Uranus was kneeling next to her partner in the cold snow.

"You're hurt."

"It's just a scratch." Tried Michiru to reassure Haruka, and herself, but her legs did not carry her as she tried to stand up. If her best friend would not have caught her, she would have fallen back onto the street.

"That's more, Michi." Haruka transformed back into her normal clothes and Michiru wanted to do the same, but found that she did not have enough strength left. Darkness waited at the rim of her eyes and she felt extremely tired out of a sudden.

There's so much blood… 

"Michi!" Warm arms lifted her body, then she knew no more.

"Michi!"


	17. No one ever said

**(17) No one ever said that life's an easy thing**

"It already looks better." Dr. Tomoe turned Michiru's right arm carefully to inspect her injury. He looked satisfied as he gently started to bandage the swollen skin again. "You should take more care when you work with a sharp knife, especially when you try to open the rice pack. Scissors are better suitable doing this job."

Michiru nodded and made a face as she was allowed to lower her arm again. Although she got several painkillers it still hurt. She could not remember how she got into hospital, but when she woke up it was another morning and Dr. Tomoe had been there to tell her that she had been very lucky. Probably Haruka told him that she slipped with her kitchen's knife and injured herself so badly. Of course she had been so clumsy to pinch an aorta. That's why there had been so much blood in the snow. But she had been lucky, indeed, because Haruka brought her into hospital right in time.

Now she was looking at the white bandage, covering the seams. Dr. Tomoe had to see to her wound with several stitches. She did not ask for how many for she did not want to know; it already hurt enough without her imaging the swollen skin being pierced by a needle.

"I will, Tomoe-san, I will." Michiru leaned back in her bed as Hotaru's father rose. He wanted to be sure and therefore kept her for another day in hospital. She did faint yesterday and had been unconscious for a long time, Dr. Tomoe wanted to be safe that she was fine. So she had to stay in bed most of the time, cooling her thick arm and eat exactly the food Haruka had warned her against yesterday.

Michiru looked down at her plate and picked up a small slice of fish. It was not as bad as Haurka had told her, but she had tasted better sashimi, that was for sure! Moreover, it was not easy for her to eat with her left hand. The fish and the rice escaped her chopsticks before she had a change putting them into her mouth. After several tries she sighed frustrated and wondered if she should eat with her fingers instead. Of course, it did not look very ladylike, but she was hungry and did not want to have an aching belly besides her already hurting arm.

"You shouldn't eat that, you know?"

Michiru raised her head and smiled as she saw Haruka standing in the door frame. It was noon which meant that she would miss her Japanese lessons, if she had been at school today at all. Dr. Tomoe told her that Haruka had not left her bedside until he had to literally throw her out, because he knew that she had to go to school on a normal Wednesday morning, even if it was shortly before the Christmas holidays.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Of course!" Haruka grinned in triumph as she pulled a chair next to Michiru's bed and sat down astride. Then she opened the bag she had carried and produced two small bowls. Michiru could smell the delicious fish and the chocolate pudding even before her best friend had opened them.

"You did cook?" She asked suspiciously. "Is our kitchen still standing?"

"No." Haruka shook her head and put the hospital food determinedly away. Then she picked up Michiru's chopsticks and fished the first very delicious looking rice ball out of the bowl. It was so small that you could eat it with in one piece and Michiru could see the tiny fish pieces in there.

"Who are you? Gimme back my Ruka." Joked Michiru who knew that Haruka would have never had the patience to cook something like that, to say nothing of her skills… "She's a bad cook, but she's mine."

"Makoto helped me."

Michiru nodded understandingly. Of course. Makoto, Sailor Jupiter, was one of Usagi's best friend and a chef when it came to cooking.

"Did you force her to skip school?"

"I did not force anybody. The lessons at Usagi's school were cancelled because of the thick snow. Most of their teachers did not make to school at all so they volunteered to help me."

Michiru was happy to hear that Haruka got over her worries and started to talk to Usagi and her friends again; and that they forgave Sailor Uranus for her harsh behaviour. Nevertheless the sea beauty noticed the significant lack of information in Haruka's statement.

"And our school? The teachers are living there as I remember."

"Cancelled." It was a big lie, but Michiru did not reply anything. Partly, because she knew it was senseless to argue with Haruka about the importance of school when they had been attacked by a youma, and partly, because the blonde was raising the chopstick and fed her. The rice ball was delicious and the fish was no comparison to the hospital's one which looked suddenly even smaller and greyer.

For the next ten minutes Michiru emptied the rice ball bowl and ate most of the pudding. As she leaned back in her bed her arm still hurt, but she felt full and content.

"Usagi was surprised to hear from the youma's attack." Said Haruka after she had put Makoto's bowls back into the bag. "But Rei told us that even though we've defeated Mistress 9 there are still youmas out there. Stray monsters might attack us whenever they sense our powers." Suddenly Haruka looked depressed. "That means that something like the attack yesterday can happen all the time, most likely when we least expect it."

"Life's not easy, Ruka." Michiru covered her best friend's suddenly cold hands with her healthy one and squeezed them tenderly. "But we've managed worse."

"Still I don't like the idea."

Haruka glanced shortly at Michiru's bandaged arm and the look on her face said clearly _I don't like to see you hurt_. Not even two weeks ago Haruka had insisted on sacrificing everything in order to complete their mission, to let nothing come between them and their goal to destroy Mistress 9 and to save the world. Nothing, not even each other's death. Now Michiru saw that Haruka would have never been able to keep that promise, no matter how hard she had tried to convince the sea senshi, and probably herself, as well.

Michiru was thankful to have a friend like her. Without her she would not have known how to survive the past months.

"We'll defeat those youmas, you'll see. Remember, we're not alone any longer. Sailor Moon and the other senshi will help us." Michiru smiled but stifled a groan as she moved her injured arm too quickly.

"Everything alright, Michi? Shall I call for Tomoe-san? Do you need anything?" Haruka jumped to her feet, ready to literally fly out of the door.

"It's nothing." The sea beauty shrugged helplessly her shoulders. "But thank you for your concern."

"Okay… but if you need something, tell me." Haruka sat down hesitatingly, automatically taking Michiru's healthy hand in her own ones.

"So, tell me what exactly happened after the youma attacked me. Hime-chan's father said something about a kitchen knife and an accident."

"Hai. Well, that was…"

Michiru closed her eyes and listened to Haruka's story. Although her arm still hurt she felt content. Safe and loved.

_Thank you for taking care of me, Ruka._

_Thank you for being there for me. Now. Yesterday. Over the past months._


	18. That's the beauty of it

**(18)That's the beauty of it**

"It's been only two days, but I can't wait to get home." Michiru put her nightgown, her washing bag and the other things she needed urgently at hospital – a book, her walkman and diverse classic cassettes – with her healthy hand into her bag, but Haruka took it away from her before she could put it around her uninjured shoulder.

"You are ill. Let me carry that."

"If you're so eager." Michiru looked again at her night table in the case that she would forgot something. Then she turned around very slowly. Today her arm was not as swollen as it had been yesterday, but still it hurt and she did not want to scare Haruka in making funny faces, gasping for breath or even groaning in pain.

"Always to your service, Kaioh-san." Haruka grinned and walked out of the door. She was already heading towards the exit's direction when Michiru's left hand grabbed her thick pullover's sleeve.

"I know you've been busy the past days, mainly because of me." Michiru raised her index finger to Haruka's mouth to stop her from protesting. "And I know that it's been a crazy day after the youma's attack, but there's someone who wants to see you."

Haruka frowned but followed her best friend nonetheless.

"She's finally allowed to leave her bed. Of course she did visit me this morning, but you've been at school then, or at least you should have been at school." Michiru glanced at Haruka who had the honesty to blush. The sea blonde rolled her eyes and made a mental note to talk to Dr. Tomoe to give Haruka an attest – or she would spend her entire Christmas holidays in detention. Michiru wanted to celebrate Christmas with her best friend in their small apartment – and not in a class room.

"She wants to thank you for your gift."

Haruka's frown deepened even more, but then her face brightened up. They peered through the half opened door into another hospital room. Two small girls were sitting on the bed, talking, gesticulating, giggling. One of them was holding a big teddy proudly in her frail arms, hugging it tenderly.

_My Hime-chan._

Haruka did not need to voice her thoughts, Michiru could see them in sparkling green eyes. The blonde let go of the bag and leaned against the door frame, only looking at the laughing girl. A recovering girl. A living girl.

_Our Hime-chan._

How close they came of losing her. For the split of a second Haruka had been prepared to sacrifice this girl for the sake of the rest of the world. For millions of other people. Meaningless people. Unimportant in comparison to little Hotaru. Haruka had never said it and Michiru had never been sure if the blonde really liked the sick child or if she only stayed around to look for youmas. However, Haruka's behaviour over the past days, the way she was looking at Hotaru right now showed clearly that she loved that little girl. Dearly. Like an older sister or even like a parent. Like the parents she herself never really had known.

"I've almost…" Haruka gulped, but Michiru did not let her finish the sentence. She squeezed Haruka's shoulder and smiled at her in understanding.

"No, you've fought for her and with Sailor Moon's help you were able to rescue her."

The blonde looked at her for a long moment, then she nodded slowly. Silently she watched again Hotaru and Chibiusa who giggled even louder. They were best friends and Chibiusa was as happy as the rest of them that her Taru was still there, that she did not leave her – and that she was finally allowed again to play with her. Cards covered the bed's blanket and the way Chibiusa sulked jokingly it looked as if Hotaru was winning. In a smashing victory.

"Dr. Tomoe-san had a lot to do so he could not meet you personally. But he told me to tell you that he's thanking you for the teddy. It made his daughter happy and he doesn't mind if we spoil her from time to time, as long as it has its limits."

"Fine." Haruka tightened up her shoulders and stepped into the room. She had been too busy with a hurt Michiru that she put the teddy bear into one of the nurses' hands and asked her to take it to Tomoe Hotaru. So this was the first time she met Hotaru after her heart attack, after she almost killed her, and after Sailor Moon rescued her.

"Hime-chan?" Her voice was soft, a little bit unsure. However, Hotaru's reaction swept all her doubts away.

"Ruka!" It was a nickname Michiru introduced to her best friend and whenever Hotaru was excited or overjoyed she adopted it. "Ruka!"

The little girl jumped from her bed and literally flew into Haruka's wide opened arms. She was still holding her teddy tight so the blonde was hugging the both of them.

"Arigatou, Ruka. Mister Snuffles is great!"

"Great you like it, Hime-chan."

Haruka beamed at Hotaru and the little girl giggled happily, holding her cuddly toy right into her taller friend's face, winking with its furry paw.

"Say hell to Mister Snuffles, Ruka."

_How could we have ever forgotten that life can be so beautiful?_

Michiru snickered as Haruka sneezed and carefully shook the toy's paw and talked with a funny voice to it.

"Hello, Mister Snuffles."

_How could we have ever doubted in the future and in a happy ending?_

Michiru entered the room and went over to the two most important persons in her life.


	19. When you lose your way

**(19) When you lose your way**

"Are you alright? Does your arm hurt?"

They had been on the road for about ten minutes and it was already the fifth time that Haruka was looking worriedly at her. Michiru shook her head, smiling. Then she turned up the radio a little bit, because she wanted to listened to that particular song. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the music.

It did not snow right now and the streets were clear. Haruka suggested to drive to a secret location she did not want to give away since they had no school anymore. Not until after the holidays. Dr. Tomoe gave the blonde an attest, as well, so that their teacher could not torture them, or better, Haruka, with unannounced tests. Michiru wanted to protest at first that it would look strange if their principal saw them in the arcade, but Haruka told her that they would drive somewhere else. Michiru saw her best friend's sparkling eyes and decided to give in and let Haruka surprise her.

"Will you give me at least a hint to where you are kidnapping me?" Michiru did not open her eyes, but she could feel Haruka's wicked grin.

"Hai. It has something to do with Christmas."

"Great hint." The sea beauty giggled amused. "There's hardly a week left till the holidays, I guess everything is connected to Christmas somehow at a time like this."

"Okay." Haruka stopped at a red light and softened the radio after Michiru's song had ended. "A better hint… a better hint…" Michiru felt the car turning around several corners, but still she did not open her eyes. She knew that Haruka could race the car with frightening speed if she wanted to, but she had never been involved in an accident. Michiru felt safe when her best friend was driving.

"Well… it has something to do with your bouncing silver stuff."

"A tree?" Now Michiru's eyes snapped open and she looked surprised at the blonde. "We're buying a Christmas tree?"

"Did you think I would buy it without you?" Haruka looked at her with studied horror. "Now I'm hurt!"

"You decided for pine and since I've been in hospital the past two days…"

"That's out! We'll buy it together so it fits to both our concepts. Then you'll throw all those balls at it and I'll hope that they won't come jumping back."

_It's our first Christmas together._

_It's going to be great._

Michiru grinned and leaned back again in her seat, ignoring the pain increasing in her arm when she made a wrong move. She already took her medicine and decided that she would not let her injury control her life, especially not their Christmas tree shopping.

"That's fantastic, Ruka."

"Hai… it is…" Haruka turned around another corner and her face fell as an empty road greeted them. Suddenly all the other cars were gone, just as all the other shops along the street. Only some gardens and detached houses welcomed them. "If only I'd be able to find that stupid address!"

Haruka was a great car driver, however, her sense of orientation was not the best, especially when she was driving in an unknown area - like this one.

"Where did you originally wanted to go?" asked Michiru who knew that her friend had got lost. Again.

"There." A pamphlet was gently pushed into her healthy hand as Haruka turned the car around. The sea beauty took it and studied it as she had studied many maps before, as it was normally her task. Haruka was driving the car and she was reading the map to lead them to their goal fast and safely. Only that Haruka had wanted to surprise her today and took a wrong turn - or even the wrong district. Michiru was glad that Haruka always found back to the boarding school after her car cruises. Otherwise the situation would have become very embarrassing: To explain their teachers that Haruka would be late for school, because she only wanted to buy rice at the next supermarket and ended up in Osaka instead.

"I guess…" Michiru tried to read the street sign and looked again at the advertisement. It had a small map on it to show them the way to "Christmas-Tree-Paradise". It was a strange name, indeed, but as long as they had nice pine trees Michiru did not mind. "Turn left at the next opportunity and then…"

"… and then straight ahead, right?"

"That's only because you can see the big trees blinking green in the twilight."

"Didn't know that it's so huge."

"Huge is good, that means more choice." Michiru put the pamphlet away and searched for her gloves. Since she could not use her arm properly it took her some time to slip them on. Haruka had already been helping her with her boots and her cloak, but she did not want to feel all too helpless.

"Thanks for leading the way. Guess I'd be lost sometimes if I didn't have you." Haruka shrugged her shoulders and steered towards the parking space. Now there were again many cars on the road and many people walked on the pavement. Some of them, mostly men, were carrying small, big and even very unwieldy looking trees. Indeed, this place was crowded, as were almost all shopping places in Tokyo so shortly before Christmas, but Michiru was sure that they would not meet their principal or any teacher. Now, they would go into this "Christmas-Tree-Paradise" and drive the salesman crazy before they could decide for a nice pine, probably the same pine they would look at right at the beginning of their two hour discussion. Michiru would enjoy every single minute.

"I'm pleased to be your trustworthy navigation system. Only feed me with two candied apples per day and you'll be happy with me for many years."

"I'll keep that in mind, my little system." Haruka laughed and opened the door. Cold air was getting immediately into the car's interior and Michiru shivered. Her best friend held open the door for her and helped her with her scarf and her jacket's buttons, always caring not to touch the sea beauty's injured arm.

"Shall we go and find the most perfect pine tree?" She offered Michiru her right hand to lead her over the icy underground. Michiru took it with her healthy one and nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course!"

_I'd be lost, too, if I didn't have you, Ruka._


	20. Close your eyes and go to sleep

**(20) Close your eyes and go to sleep**

"What are you watching?"

Haruka jumped next to Michiru on the couch, not caring that she spilled some of the popcorn she was holding in her hand. She had spent the last twenty minutes in the bathroom and another ten minutes in the kitchen fighting with the microwave. Finally it was able to give her her dearly loved popcorn.

"Charles Dicken's Christmas Carol." Michiru shook her head as Haruka offered her the still warm bowl.

"The Disney version?"

"No, the Muppets' one." Michiru picked up the remote control before Haruka could take it and watch one of her boring sport mission. Haruka, however, did not mind. She lifted the warm blanket and flitted under it next to her best friend. She already changed into her pyjamas and did not want to get cold.

"Gonzo as Charles Dickens." She shook her head and hugged her popcorn bowl.

"There are bigger sins on the telly than singing puppets."

"But hardly a bigger nose."

"Ruka!"

"What? He has a big nozzle, right?"

"Eat your popcorn and be nice and quiet."

"Hai, Ma'am." Haruka grinned and leaned back on the couch, eating her popcorn and enduring her best friend's taste in Christmas movies. It was late in the evening after a long day. They visited Hotaru at the hospital again and were told by the exciting girl that she would be discharged two days before Christmas. Still she was not completely recovered, but it was safe enough to let her home. She wanted to celebrate Christmas with the persons she loved under a big tree. Her father would be near her all the time just in case that something would happen. But Haruka and Michiru knew that nothing would happen. Sailor Moon could not heal Hotaru's entire illness, but the little girl would never have to suffer another heart attack again.

"It's true where ever you find love, it feels like Christmas…" Sang Michiru silently along to the Ghost of Christmas Present and Michael Caine as a perfect Ebenezer Scrooge. She snickered as Haruka sighed in mock suffering, closed her eyes in surrender and filled her mouth with more popcorn.

Their Christmas tree, a pine, stood right next to the TV set. It looked grey in the living-room's darkness, but Michiru was sure that it would shine once they would decorate it with the electrical candles and the bouncing silver balls. Originally they wanted to decorate it today, but Usagi forbid them to do so when they met her in hospital. She told them that it was tradition to wait till December twenty-third. First Michiru did not want to listened to her. There had never been many Christmas traditions in her family and Haruka had never heard of that particular one, as well, but when they finally returned to their small apartment they felt too tired to decorate their pine. So they decided to obey their future queen's advice and invest their time and strength into hot ramen instead.

Michiru went to take a nice hot bath while she made Haruka do the dishes. The blonde grumbled but did as she was told. Now she even put up with Michiru's personal TV programme. The sea beauty was impressed.

She's been so different since we haven't had to search for Mistress 9 any longer, since she has understood that Hime-chan's not angry with her, since Usagi has told her personally that no one blames her for the happenings during that night when we fought against Mistress 9.

Michiru reached over to the table to gulp her medicine. Her arm hurt again, but she put an ice bag on it to make it shut up. She wanted to watch this movie and not to argue with her injured part of the body.

Or has Haruka always been this way but I have never noticed, because we both were under immense pressure during the past months?

Michiru did not know, but she was more than willing to find out.

It was when the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come appeared that Haruka leaned her head on Michiru's healthy shoulder. The sea beauty almost jumped, because she had been so involved into the movie and into the dark shadow standing before a shaking Scrooge that the sudden touch startled her.

_Nani?_

She turned her head and saw Haruka leaning against her. The bowl was empty, nevertheless did Haruka hold it tightly in her arms. The blonde was half covered by the blanket, her eyes were closed. Michiru needed some moments to realise that her best friend was fast asleep.

"The movie's not that boring." Whispered the sea senshi but softened the TV set nonetheless. She did not want to wake Haruka so she did not move; she only wrapped her uninjured arm around her sleeping beauty. The day had been exhausting and Michiru suspected that the blonde did not sleep a lot while she had been in hospital. Besides, the room was dark, the blanket warm and Haruka's belly filled, perfect conditions to take a nap.

"Sleep tight, Ruka."

Michiru made herself at home on the couch and concentrated again on the movie showing the deep change in the old miser, Scrooge. Absent-mindedly she caressed through blond hair, not noticing the tired smile on Haruka's face.

Sweet dreams, my Ruka.

It is the season of the heart, a special time of caring, the ways of love made clear. 


	21. Wake up to another day

**(21) Wake up to another day**

It was not easy for Michiru to make breakfast, especially since she could not use her injured arm at all. But she knew how to use the rice cooker, it only took longer than it normally would with her fighting one-armed with the chop sticks and the rice bag.

_Only three more days till Christmas._

And a great Christmas it would be! Michiru woke up from the ringing phone and spent the next hour talking to an excited Usagi. She wanted to have a big celebration, of course, with all her friends. So she invited them to come. The sea beauty still had to smile when she remembered Usagi's happy voice and Chibiusa's loud one in the background, begging for a cookie. Usagi was munching on the phone and Michiru could imagine that she was eating the last cookie or that she was at least holding the cookie box tightly in her hands. Surely there broke out a fierce fight after Usagi hang up, including the both of them running like maniacs through the house, crashing into poor Mamoru or Usagi's mother.

_It's hardly imaginable that this girl is our saviour, our future queen._

Michiru put the plates on the table and remained standing next to the window for a moment, watching the snow fall again. It would not melt away the coming days, maybe not even the coming weeks. It truly would be a perfect Christmas: Without any worries, but with snowball fights and with all of their friends alive and happy. With Hotaru being alive, not laying in hospital, but surely singing as wrongly as Haruka under a big Christmas tree.

_Our pine tree will look great._

"How late is it?"

Michiru turned around as she heard her best friend's tired voice. Her grin widened as she saw the blonde leaning more asleep than awake at the fridge. She was still wearing her pyjamas and had wrapped the couch's blanket around her freezing body. Her hair was messed and her eyes were so tiny that Michiru shortly wondered if she saw her at all or if she assumed that she had to be in the kitchen since the rice cooker did work.

"Almost noon, sleepy head." She answered honestly.

"Oh…" Haruka rubbed her tired eyes and seemed to search for a coherent sentence in her still cloudy mind. "How did I end up on the couch?"

"The Muppets were too much for you." Michiru came over to her best friend and lead her over to a chair where she pushed her down gently. "You fell asleep and I did not want to wake you up."

She did not mention that she stayed on that couch, as well. There was a music show after the Muppets movie on TV, but she did not even see the half of it, because she fell also asleep, cuddling close to her best friend on the soft couch until Usagi's phone call woke her up. Of course her arm hurt even more after she had a unfavourable position during the night, but she already gulped her medicine and tried to ignore the dull pain.

"And now you're making a late breakfast, with your injury. You know that this should be my job to do." Haruka yawned and put her head in her hands. Her eyes were already closed again and Michiru wondered briefly if her best friend would fall asleep right here and now.

"Oh, it's not that hard, besides I like to have an eatable breakfast." Michiru giggled as Haruka showed her not very ceremonially her tongue, of course without opening her eyes. There was too much light in the kitchen to torture her sleepy mind.

"Do you want tea or coffee? The rice takes another ten minutes."

"Coffee. As thick as possible."

"Aye, aye, sir." Michiru saluted with her healthy hand giggled even more when Haruka stuck out her tongue again, only to yawn widely.

"A coffee as dark as the night. It's right on its way." The sea beauty fought for a moment with the filter and nearly jumped as Haruka stood suddenly behind her and took it out of her hand. The blanket hung over the now empty chair and she tried to feel more awake. She really tried, but did not really succeed. Half of the coffee powder landed on the ground and not in the filter and formed with the spilled water a small, brown puddle on the tiles. Michiru did not mind, she would clear that mess later on. Right now nothing could spoil her mood. There were only three days to go till Christmas, they were alive, Hotaru was fine and they were spending a peaceful breakfast with each other. Maybe the first real breakfast, since the last times they had sat at the table together, they had worried about their mission, about Mistress 9 and about their future. Now that all those fears gone, they suddenly had time. Time to eat a comfortable meal. A cosy one.

Michiru corrected the chopsticks before she sat down on the chair opposite to the blanket-covered one. Then she reached for the lighter and lighted two candles which a wood angel was holding in its hands. She had no other light burning in the kitchen and she immediately felt at home as she had never felt before. They moved into this apartment, because it belonged to the boarding school, it was cheaper than a motel or a room to rent somewhere else in Tokyo and it was a place to return to after their fights against youmas. To nurse their injuries. To plan their next step against Mistress 9. It had always been a stopover between their past and their destiny. Sometimes Michiru believed that she would not survive the final battle and never really allowed herself to get involved with the apartment. Her room was sterile, with no posters on the walls, no pictures on the desk. Haruka's room was the same, only that she was notoriously messy. The blonde had all her important things in a suitcase which she hid in her wardrobe. She never unpacked it.

Now, however, Michiru could imagine to make this apartment their home. A real home. The Christmas tree was a significant step towards that goal.

"I should take a shower and get dressed." Haruka switched on the coffee machine and glanced down at her crumbled pyjamas. Michiru already got dressed in a comfortable white tracksuit, thankful that she had not to wear her ugly school uniform again until next year. She only shook her head and pointed towards the blanked-covered chair.

"The rice will be ready soon, so sit down and eat something."

"But…"

"I don't mind. I want to eat breakfast with my best friend. Now. Shower can wait." Michiru shrugged her healthy shoulder and put sugar in her tea to stir it.

"If you're willing to bear me like that." Haruka put the first coffee quickly into a cup before she put the pot back under the coffee machine and sat down on her chair again. She wrapped the blanket around her freezing body and looked into the coffee as if it would make her wake up by merely staring at it.

"Always." Michiru grinned. "But I would recommend you to wear something else on Usagi's Christmas party. Although this outfit looks hot."

Haruka blinked and blushed deeply. But before she could say something, or find any reply at all, the rice cooker told them that the rice was ready. While the blonde was busy pulling the hot rice out of the cooker into a bowl, Michiru told her about Usagi's phone call and her invitation. Then they settled down and ate their breakfast. In peace. Slowly. During an entire hour talking about everything that got to their mind: Usagi, Hotaru, school, Haruka's race car, the Christmas tree and a new boy group the inner senshi liked to listened to so much.

It was their first breakfast after Mistress 9 was defeated and even after all those months of fighting together against evil youmas and crazy teachers, it was the first breakfast that felt like spending it with a family.


	22. You should know you're not alone

**(22) You should know now that you're not alone**

Dr. Tomoe was busy. The snowfall did not cease, so did the number of patients coming to the hospital everyday to mend a broken arm, leg or even rip. He wanted to take his daughter home when he found that she was able to go home and make her Christmas gifts of which she had spoken of so often during the past days. Most certainly she wanted to draw pictures for all of her friends, but did only want to use her own crayons.

That was why Hotaru was now leaving the hospital with Michiru and Haruka by her side. The blonde hung the girl's bag over her shoulder and held the big teddy tight. Hotaru was too busy to look gladly at the white winter's wonderland. Dr. Tomoe checked Michiru's injuries again and asked her at the same time if they could take Hotaru home and take care of her until his babysitter or he would get home. Of course Michiru agreed immediately.

"It's so cool! Chibiusa is coming over tomorrow to make her photo calendar for Usagi. And I don't have to take so many pills any longer, only two each morning and one in the afternoon. And there's only two more days till Christmas. And I already got Mister Snuffles." Hotaru was chatting excitedly about whatever came into her mind.

Their car was parked near the hospital, but Haruka only put the bag and the big teddy bear into the boot. They wanted to go around the corner into a shopping mall to buy Hotaru some chocolate covered fruits. The little girl liked them a lot, but did not have the chance to eat any during the past two weeks. Of course they asked Dr. Tomoe about it and he agreed if they would take good care of his daughter and would not spend longer in the mall than an hour, at the maximum. Haruka and Michiru promised to be careful. So they were on their way now to do the last Christmas shopping, although they already had all gifts for their friends.

"Chibiusa brought my calendar to me, but I had to give her most of the chocolate, because she looked so hungrily every time she visited me." Continued Hotaru with her story. "But there are still two windows left, and the last one looks really big."

"Chibiusa and Usagi are simply gluttons." Haruka shook her head and stopped the little girl to correct her scarf and to button up the dark winter jacket correctly. It was such a natural gesture that Michiru wished herself a camera. The both of them would have made a lovely picture together.

"But they are nice gluttons." Hotaru picked up some snow in her black gloves and formed a small snowball. Her purple eyes were shinning and her normally so pale cheeks were flushed. Now she looked like a healthy child. Nothing reminded of her laying in a hospital bed, fighting for her life, being on razor's edge.

"What is a glutton, Ruka?"

"Someone who eats a lot."

"Yes, Chibiusa likes to eat, at least good stuff. She hates spinach and never eats her vegetables."

Michiru smiled as Haruka made a sympathetic face; she did not like any vegetables and if it weren't very expensive and unhealthy, she would order pizza for every dinner. But the blonde kept her thoughts to herself and took Hotaru's hand to prevent her from slipping on the frozen underground and fall down. The little girl's smile widened and she threw proudly her snowball. She did miss her goal, an old garbage ban, but Haruka praised her nonetheless for her excellent technique.

_We love you, Hime-chan._

_We'll always be here to protect you._

It was a promise she thought she would never be able to make, even it was in silence, because she thought only weeks ago that she had to die during the fight against Mistress 9 – and that the little girl was doomed, as well. But now she knew that they would live, that no heart attack would ever endanger Hotaru's life, that there would be many more Christmases like this to come. That thought warmed Michiru's heart.

Now she could make that promise and know that she would be able to hold it. For her it was the greatest gift of all.

Shuddering Michiru remembered the coughing, shivering girl who spent so much time in her darkened room, playing with dolls, without any friend to join her. Every coughing fit scared all the other girls of the boarding school away. It was them who did not care, Chibiusa finally broke the spell.

No, Hotaru would never sit in that room again, waiting for her father to come home, sometimes until late in the night. Now there would be people to take care for her while her father was at work. Michiru was more than willing to be one of them, and she did not have to ask Haruka; it was obvious that she was wild about the little girl. First she did not give in her feelings, but now that Mistress 9 disappeared and took the blonde's worry to kill the little girl away with her, Haruka allowed herself to act as a crazy aunt or even sister. Michiru had the good feeling that those two would be inseparable in the future.

"Do you wanna have a chocolate banana, too? Or do you wanna have something else?" Hotaru took Michiru's healthy hand trustingly in her own and looked asking up to the young woman.

"She's taking a candied apple. She always does, Hime-chan, because she's a glutton, too." Mocked Haruka giggling, but Michiru decided to scold her later for being so cheeky. After Haruka had bought her her beloved candied fruit.

Right now she watched Hotaru walking between them, holding one of Haruka's and one of her hand tight. They almost looked like a family; and they surely felt like one.

_No, you'll never bee alone again, Hime-chan._

Michiru squeezed the small hand and smiled affectionately down at the little girl.

_Never again._


	23. Take my heart

**(23) Take my heart**

"Put it over there."

Michiru leaned back and looked critically at the pine tree. Forty silver balls where hanging between the green branches and Haruka stood on a chair and fixed the candles the way Michiru wanted them to be. Of course they were electrical since they were living in one of the school apartments and open fire, aside from a small candle, was strictly forbidden. Nevertheless the sea beauty wanted their first Christmas tree to look perfect.

"That looks better." Michiru studied the tree, then she nodded satisfied. "Try to switch it on."

"Hai." Haruka jumped from the chair and raced over to the light switch. The next moment Michiru was sitting in total darkness. It was shortly after dusk and a long day they spent in the arcade enjoying the last Christmas market's day. Tomorrow it would finally be Christmas and they wanted to decorate their tree, although they both felt tired and wanted to go to bed after a quick dinner. Usagi's party would surely be great, but also exhausting, they wanted to be fit to face any Tsukino tradition.

"Here it comes." Said Haruka and the next moment the room was illuminated by a warm glow. The silver balls looked like bright sparkling diamonds and the candles blurred between the branches in a golden light. Maybe it was a little bit kitschy, but that was just what Michiru wanted to have.

"Fantastic…" she whispered in awe and reached out with her healthy hand to touch one of the balls. It turned around and silver sparks danced over her smiling face.

"Yep." Haruka looked very proud of herself, but had to blush when her stomach started to rumble. They did not eat anything for lunch, so she was almost starving, especially after she had to endure all those delicious scent on the Christmas market. However, she did not want to eat there while there were so many people around, busy and full of stress, because they still had to buy some gifts. Haruka wanted to eat in peace with her Michiru - which was something they would surely not get tomorrow. Not with Usagi and Chibiusa sitting at the same table, most probably wanting to eat exactly the same candy or the same rice ball.

"I'll make us something." Michiru rose and went over to the kitchen. Haruka did most of the decoration work, now it was her turn to take care of an eatable meal, something the blonde was not able to manage, not even when armed with a microwave.

"Some special wishes?" The smaller senshi opened the fridge, feeling that Haruka had followed her and was looking into it over her shoulder. Obviously she liked what she saw, or at least her stomach which rumbled even louder.

"How about some scrambled eggs?"

"With a lot of cheese?"

"Tons of cheese."

"It's right on its way." Michiru searched for a pan, some eggs, cheese, butter and rice. She always but rice into the eggs and Haruka never complained.

"Fantastic." The blonde let her alone in the kitchen and Michiru could hear the boxes rustle. Obviously her best friend was tidying up. No, Haruka was not able to clear the mess in her room, but at least she tried to keep order in the other rooms of their apartment. The TV set was switched on, but there was no soap opera or even Haruka's beloved sport news running, instead Michiru could hear violin music. It seemed that they were showing some classic concert on TV and Haruka decided for once to let Michiru watch it. Without a fight. Without a protest.

Michiru really started to love Christmas.

Ten minutes and five curses later their dinner was finally ready. The sea beauty could not wait to use her injured arm again, because it was different to cook something more serious than rice in the rice cooking machine left-handed. She was thankful that Haruka wanted to have scrambled eggs, because she would not have been able to make fried eggs. The eggshell seemed to be too thin and she spend half of the time fishing white particles out of the hot pan again. Two spoon ended on the kitchen floor during her rescue operation and Michiru really hoped that Haruka would like her cheese a little bit darker than normal.

"Come, Ruka, let's eat." She called out and balanced the pan in her healthy hand. Normally she wanted to eat in the kitchen, but since her best friend listened to the classic music so voluntarily, Michiru wanted the watch the concert.

"That looks delicious." Haruka appeared so suddenly before her that Michiru almost let go of the pane. But the blonde was fast enough to catch it. "Thank you, Michi." She blushed slightly which Michiru almost missed in the dimmed light. But before she could scold her for startle her or praise her for saving their food, Haruka had leaned forward and kissed her quickly, but softly. Michiru could see that Haruka's face was burning now, even in the living room's twilight.

"I'll take it to the table." Whispered the blonde with a strange hoarse voice and turned around, obviously not knowing what else to say, probably unsure about her sudden action and about Michiru's missing reaction.

The sea beauty blinked confused and touched her tingling lips with the fingers of her healthy hand. Then she raised her head as she caught a movement out of the corner of her eyes. For another long moment she stared at the green branch above.

"A mistle toe?" Suddenly she had to grin. Slowly she walked over to the couch and sat down next to Haruka, who was glancing intensively into the pane, not daring to look up to meet Michiru's eyes.

"Didn't know you knew those foreign traditions."

"Usagi told me about it. She wants to hang one into her room and lure Mamoru into it." Still Haruka was staring at her meal as if she wanted the food to give her support.

"Didn't know that she's such a romantic." Michiru reached for the pane and put some egg-rice into one of the bowls Haruka took into the living room while she still fought with the spoons and the eggshells.

_Didn't know that you were such a romantic, Ruka._

"Here, let's eat, we're both starving." Michiru pushed the bowl into Haruka's hands and smiled encouragingly at her as the blonde finally raised her head. Dark green eyes looked unsure at her, but Michiru knew that there was no doubt necessary. No, not any longer, because they survived the battle against Mistress 9. Because little Hotaru would always be with them. Because it was Christmas.

"I like the mistle toe."

Michiru nodded at Haruka's unasked question and felt warm and content when the happiest smile she had ever seen spread on the blonde's face.

_Oh yes, she loved Christmas, every aspect of it._


	24. And we will find your way home

**(24) And we will find your way home**

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know.

Where the tree-tops glisten,

And Children listen

To hear sleigh bells in the snow."

They were sitting in the Tsukino's living room and singing Christmas songs. Only Rei seemed to find the right notes at the right moment, probably because she sang many sermons at her grandfather's temple, but none of them did mind. The adults, meaning Usagi's parents, Rei's grandfather and Hotaru's father were in the kitchen, drinking wine, talking and trying to put all the food back in the fridge. Sometimes Rei's grandfather would make a pained face when Usagi and Chibiusa sang as loudly as wrongly, but he did not complain. It was Christmas Eve, after all, and they all felt happy and content. If it made the children glad to sing, even if their music teacher would have died of a sudden heart attack, then he would not disturb them or even ask them to stop.

The light in the living room was dimmed. Only the Christmas tree candles were burning just like a fire in the fireside. The wood was cracking and the dancing shadows gave the room a cosy atmosphere.

Both, Usagi and Chibiusa, were holding a big plush bunny in their arms and grinned widely. Rei had her eyes closed and sang with all her heart. Makoto sorted the cookie box while she was humming along to the melody. Minako was opening one of her gifts secretly trying to ignore Ami's stern look as she the water senshi noticed it.

Hotaru was sitting right beneath the tree, looking with bright shinning eyes up to the candles and the golden balls hanging between the green branches. She was holding a gift, as well, but she did not unwrap it. Maybe, because she feared that she would wake up from this wonderful dream if she did. She did not know this song, but Haruka, who sang very silently so that no one could really hear her, helped her by showing her the notes and the lines.

Michiru, who first accompanied them with her violin play, put down her instrument as the pain in her arm increased again. She sat down next to the blonde on the soft carpet and smiled up to her as Haruka put her arm around her body to hold her gently tight. Contented she snuggled up to her. Feeling safe and loved.

Yes, she knew that this was a kitschy Christmas.

However, it was exactly the Christmas she had always wanted to celebrate. Without youmas, without Mistress 9, without all those worries about their future and if they would actually survive.

Usagi missed another tone and Rei could not hold herself back and pulled away the toy bunny to slap her carefully but meaningfully with it on her head. Of course Usagi had to complain and sulk and almost cry and Mamoru had to comfort her. Rei stuck out her tongue and Chibiusa stole Makoto a cookie just to make the chaos perfect. As always.

But with friends.

Hotaru watched them chasing each other around. The little girl had to giggle happily and unconsciously embraced the gift box tighter in her arms.

But with very dear friends.

Haruka shook her head and hugged the sea beauty gently, always concerned about her injury. Michiru leaned back on her and closed her eyes, hearing Haruka's strong heartbeat, felt her tender arms holding her.

But with family.

"Merry Christmas, Michi." Whispered the blonde and put a small black box in Michiru's healthy hand. The young woman squinted almost sleepily and glanced down at it, smiling knowingly.

"Arigatou, Ruka."

_I love you, too._

Finally with people where she could feel at home.

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Disclaimer:

The anime "Sailor Moon" belongs to Takeuchi Naoko. The "Muppets Christmas Carol" belongs to the Jim Henson Production (and some minor blokes called Walt Disney) and the song "I will carry you" belongs to Clay Aiken. "I'm dreaming for a white Christmas" is an old folk song.

I only borrowed them all. Not the characters nor the movies nor the songs mentioned in this fanfiction do belong to me. The story and the idea in it, however, do.

If someone wants to write an email to me (to talk about the fanfiction, to talk about the anime or to post the fanfic on their own homepage), please feel free to do so: aprileaglefreenet.de . I will answer every email, just give me some time, because mostly I have lot to do and it can take days before I check my emails (and sometimes the internet breaks down). But I answer every email I get, I promise.

Japanese words 

I used some Japanese words, because this story takes place in Tokyo and I wanted to make it sound authentically this way.

arigatou - thank you

awayuki - light snowfall

baka - idiot

bento - packed lunch

fuku - uniform

gomen nasai - I'm sorry.

hai - yes

henshi - staff (the staffs with which the Sailors do transform)

hime - Princess (Hime-chan - little Princess, as pet name for Hotaru)

matte! - wait!

nani? - what?

neko - cat (baka neko - stupid cat)

sashimi - a fish meal

senshi - warrior (Sailor senshi - Sailor warriors)

youma - monster

I want to thank my readers on who reviewed almost every day, especially amnesia nymph, Rushingwind, Haruka-Clone, Haruka's Knight, Silent King and Azrael-sama. You rock my world :).

_Writing time:_ Many sleepless nights between 17th November and 24th November 2004. Uploaded on 1st December – 24th December 2005.

_Famous last words:_ Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year .

April Eagle


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